Undergraduate / NYU SUPPS: worked vacations/ family passed trait/ activity an NYU/ song/ ... [4]

So first off I absolutely love this site! =]

Any type of advise would be great! Grammar, overall look. Your advice would be very much appreciated! =)

1.Describe your summer vacation since you worked. (500 characters max)

I spent most of my summer vacation under the sun. Instead of lying on the beach, I was hitting balls across the blazing hot tennis courts of JHS 189. For eight weeks, I played for the Queens NYJTL. Everyday after work, I grabbed my racket, rode my bike up the hill, and rallied with my friends all afternoon. Besides training for the NYJTL Summer Jamboree Tournament, watching the M.I.A concert in Brooklyn was mind-blowing, reading Jane Eyre was incredible, and awaiting senior year was riveting.

(497/500)

2.Describe a trait or characteristic that has been passed along to you by your family. Tell us why you like or dislike this aspect of yourself. (500 characters max)

My father is a very curious person and so am I. The only difference is that he's curious when it comes to gossip; I'm curious when it comes to world and what it holds. I love this aspect of myself because it has helped me develop my diverse mindset and my beliefs. Without curiosity, I wouldn't know about the rendition policy in the U.S. or why liberation movements begin. Curiosity has also sparked in me my deep interest in traveling around the world, allowing me to discover what others may not.

(499/500)

3.NYC is an essential element of academic and cultural life at NYU. If you could engage in an activity or start a club or service organization at NYU, what would it be and how would you envision it impacting the larger community? (500 characters max)

Sponsoring poor children in South America and informing my high school peers on the meager conditions they live in has been my goal as president of Spanish Club. By June 2009, I would have helped raise more than $1000 for the aid of these children. At NYU, I would like to continue this by being involved with Saving All Kids Everywhere. With S.A.K.E., I would start an annual walk-a-thon that involves the entire NYU community where they can be informed of our purpose and contribute to our cause.

(498/500)

4. You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why? (500 characters max)

As the South Asian beats begin to play, my chance to sing "Hussel" by M.I.A. is finally becoming a reality. I can manage to spread her message even though it is difficult to imitate her novelty voice. "Hussel" is about how people from 3rd world/war-torn countries try to progress their lives in western nations such as the U.S. and the injustices they face when they are trying to do so. With this opportunity, my willpower builds up to let others know the harsh true life that immigrants face daily.

(500/500)

5. Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about you intended discipline. (500 characters max)

I have been studying the same four subjects for many years and I knew as of 8th grade that NYU was going to open my mind to several more. As a New Yorker, I know that NYU is as diverse and filled with opportunities like as the city is. For these reasons, I am applying to NYU as undecided. Keeping in mind that I might want to double major in journalism and international relations since I enjoy scrutinizing the world, I am sure that NYU will help me finalize what I want to pursue in life.

(491/500)

THANX FOR YOUR TIME :]

Undergraduate / choose an activity that reveals something about you---needs proofreading. [2]

Pick a place or activity that is important to you. Tell us a story about your experience at that place or with that activity that reveals something about you.

Volunteering has surprisingly made me view life differently. For two years, it has become more than a quick way of obtaining my community service hours. It's my way of giving back to my community in Flushing, New York. As I was growing up, my older sister instilled this act of kindness in me, since she used to be a volunteer for the Red Cross. At first, I thought that it was a mandatory school activity. However, as I grew out of my selfish stage, I saw that volunteering has many mutual benefits.

Since November of 2007, I have been a proud volunteer at Flushing Hospital's Emergency Room (ER) Registration Unit. Helping many patients fill out the medical forms and quickly bringing in their charts to the doctor is a responsibility that I take seriously. Several people ask me why I choose to volunteer in this field since my goal is to become a political journalist. My reason is quiet simple: to help those who cannot find the ability to help themselves, whether it is a physical or mental disability or a social or political restraint. Through my countless experiences at the hospital, I have been able to accomplish this.

During a summer afternoon at the ER, a young woman named Maribel held my hand as I was about to take my break and kindly asked me, "Senorita, me puede ayudar?" in other words, "Young lady, can you help me?" I advised her to see a nurse first. Unfortunately, the nurse and the present ER registers did not speak Spanish fluently or at all. Maribel pleaded for me to help her because she was alone with her two young daughters. Since she did not know how to speak English, she was lost in translation with the physicians and staff.

When I began giving Maribel a helping hand, I learned that she was a 25-year-old mother raising her two daughters on her own. She was not able to handle her children as we were filling out the forms. When I asked her if she wanted me to hold the baby as she completed the paperwork, she fainted, giving me less than a second to catch the baby. At that moment, Maribel was having a miscarriage. The minute they rushed her in, they asked me to assist her since a language barrier existed. Without question, I did. When Maribel woke up, I told her that her children were fine and I explained what had happened. Maribel sadly told me that she had arrived to this country about five months ago and unfortunately, the father of her children had left them only a month ago. In tears, she thanked me for being her "angel" since she did not know anyone else in this country. At that moment, I was proud that I did not take my break because if I did, perhaps Maribel would have not received proper medical care or may have left the hospital.

Volunteering at the Emergency Room every Friday night has helped me appreciate life where people should receive and give in return. Working side by side with other registers has helped me see the importance of how working as a team would bring a patient one step closer to receiving medical care. Even though in return we only receive a thank you, the intention behind it is what matters the most. A patient like Maribel is the reason why, today, I am a volunteer at the hospital. Volunteering shows how far a bit of kindness can go and how I can be part of it.

Undergraduate / Journalism - MACAULAY ADMISSION ESSAY: needs proofreading [4]

Journalism Essay

Pose an original question and answer it. (500 words or less)

(I'm not sure what question yet but this will be my answer)

Pen and paper; my two most prized possessions. Many say that these are just simple items that can be bought at the corner store. However their price means nothing to me. It's what I can produce with them that does; alone they are simple objects; together they generate a type of beauty that I cherish the most: writing. Writing is my passion. For me, writing is the ability to give others my frame of mind, my contradictions and my beliefs. Writing is like my own infinite street in New York City, filled with tangible opportunities on every corner. Writing is my freedom, my unlimited ticket that takes me beyond any city, country, and continent. It's my reason to become a journalist.

The thrill of working under pressure. The excitement that I get when I learn something new and pass it on to others. The sense of accomplishment when I achieve what others struggle to. These are the feelings I get every time I have to write an article for my school newspaper, when I fulfill my duties as president of Spanish club, and when I win a tennis match for my school team. Writing gives me the pleasure of experiencing the truth and proving to the world that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. This makes my desire to become a journalist stronger than ever. Journalism is more than evaluating and distributing facts, but it is a work of art that allows me to explore deeper into matters that some people might still consider questionable. In my eyes, journalism has become as significant as the traffic lights in the city. When they are functioning correctly, they can stabilize society. When they're not, they create disorder. I am not saying that journalism promotes chaos but the truth it brings can. The power it can have on others opinions makes my heart rush, knowing that one day I can have that power.

My writing gives me outrageous confidence that not many comprehend. It's my way of studying before a test; I rewrite everything. It's my way of communicating with the rest of the world like my family in Peru or my Kenyan Pen Pal. The gift of writing also pushes me towards something greater than I can even imagine. I do not yet know what that something greater could be; perhaps it will lead me hundreds of miles away to the most perilous places in the world. Maybe to a third-world country that inhibits the voice of its people. My writing can give these people a voice. Reporting about their struggle for independence, or even their most glorious days of peace, is what excites me.

Writing helps me keep my hectic life organized. From my daily "To-Do" lists to my long list of places I want to visit, writing keeps me goal-orientated. I set my standards high and do my best to go beyond them. As my mother always tells me, "Desire it, strive for it, achieve it." That has always been my way of seeing life because as a Hispanic minority, I know that I can become much more of what is expected of me. I believe in broadening my horizons in order to develop a diverse mindset. I believe that through writing and through the power of journalism I can achieve this and much more.

Writing is my way of thinking, my way of living. It's how I keep my memories alive in my journal and how express myself through poetry. Writing is who I am and journalism is my future. Much like New York City, my drive to become a journalist will never sleep.