So first off I absolutely love this site! =]
Any type of advise would be great! Grammar, overall look. Your advice would be very much appreciated! =)
1.Describe your summer vacation since you worked. (500 characters max)
I spent most of my summer vacation under the sun. Instead of lying on the beach, I was hitting balls across the blazing hot tennis courts of JHS 189. For eight weeks, I played for the Queens NYJTL. Everyday after work, I grabbed my racket, rode my bike up the hill, and rallied with my friends all afternoon. Besides training for the NYJTL Summer Jamboree Tournament, watching the M.I.A concert in Brooklyn was mind-blowing, reading Jane Eyre was incredible, and awaiting senior year was riveting.
(497/500)
2.Describe a trait or characteristic that has been passed along to you by your family. Tell us why you like or dislike this aspect of yourself. (500 characters max)
My father is a very curious person and so am I. The only difference is that he's curious when it comes to gossip; I'm curious when it comes to world and what it holds. I love this aspect of myself because it has helped me develop my diverse mindset and my beliefs. Without curiosity, I wouldn't know about the rendition policy in the U.S. or why liberation movements begin. Curiosity has also sparked in me my deep interest in traveling around the world, allowing me to discover what others may not.
(499/500)
3.NYC is an essential element of academic and cultural life at NYU. If you could engage in an activity or start a club or service organization at NYU, what would it be and how would you envision it impacting the larger community? (500 characters max)
Sponsoring poor children in South America and informing my high school peers on the meager conditions they live in has been my goal as president of Spanish Club. By June 2009, I would have helped raise more than $1000 for the aid of these children. At NYU, I would like to continue this by being involved with Saving All Kids Everywhere. With S.A.K.E., I would start an annual walk-a-thon that involves the entire NYU community where they can be informed of our purpose and contribute to our cause.
(498/500)
4. You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why? (500 characters max)
As the South Asian beats begin to play, my chance to sing "Hussel" by M.I.A. is finally becoming a reality. I can manage to spread her message even though it is difficult to imitate her novelty voice. "Hussel" is about how people from 3rd world/war-torn countries try to progress their lives in western nations such as the U.S. and the injustices they face when they are trying to do so. With this opportunity, my willpower builds up to let others know the harsh true life that immigrants face daily.
(500/500)
5. Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about you intended discipline. (500 characters max)
I have been studying the same four subjects for many years and I knew as of 8th grade that NYU was going to open my mind to several more. As a New Yorker, I know that NYU is as diverse and filled with opportunities like as the city is. For these reasons, I am applying to NYU as undecided. Keeping in mind that I might want to double major in journalism and international relations since I enjoy scrutinizing the world, I am sure that NYU will help me finalize what I want to pursue in life.
(491/500)
THANX FOR YOUR TIME :]
Overall, a strong set of responses. The first one seems a bit unfocused, but you may not be able to do much about that, given the limited character count. A couple of grammatical things:
"By June 2009, I would have helped raise more than $1000 for the aid of these children." Would, or will?
". . . with opportunities like as the city is." Omit the "like."
The only thing I could suggest would be to focus entirely on the tennis, since you already dedicate half your response to it anyway. That would allow you to go into a bit more detail about the one part of your summer, which might be more effective than a brief overview of everything, but it's up to you.
