Posts by dinghuiyang

dinghuiyang_007

Oct 10, 2011

Undergraduate / "Powerful Force"; For me 'time' is a four letter word, and I hope not to waste yours with this essay [5]

Great essay!

I just have a few suggestions.

I assumed I would be smart and organized enough ~~to be able to~~ complete everything on my agenda.

In spite of my compulsive planning, I still losed the battle with time, or so I thought.

Also, I think the first sentence is unnecessary.

Good luck!

dinghuiyang_007

Oct 8, 2011

Undergraduate / "Names" - An essay on overcoming personal adversity and culture shock [2]

"~~And that's when~~ I broke down and cried."

"I realized at the moment what my grandmother meant""I realized what my grandmother meant at the moment"

Maybe you should work on this sentence: "Today, my name is now officially Michael Kwan-To Chan. People would often ask me what Kwan-To means, and I would tell them it means that my grandmother can still see who her grandson is." You should change it into, for example, "Today, my name is ~~now~~ officially Michael Kwan-To Chan. People would often ask me what Kwan-To means, and I would tell them it means xxx and most important, it is a symbol from which my grandmother can still tell who her grandson is ."

dinghuiyang_007

Oct 8, 2011

Undergraduate / Common App-"Fast Food Worker" -Elaborate on Extracurriculars- [4]

The content is great!
Here are my suggestions:
Most importantly, ~~though,~~ the chaotic restaurant atmosphere taught me how to work under pressure.

In addition to this stronger sense of responsibility, I had ~~also~~ developed a better sense of patience through my interactions with customers. ("in addition" and "also" are redundant)

This newly acquired equanimity will undoubtedly be useful in my future medical career~~, but for now, I would be extremely grateful just to finish this single night shift~~ .

Any way, you should rewrite your last sentence. I think it's a little weird.

dinghuiyang_007

Oct 8, 2011

Undergraduate / 'a strong economics curriculum' - Why Swarthmore [3]

Hey guys--This is my "why Swarthmore" essay. That's all the aspects I could think about. However, this essay seems to be a little boring (at least someone told me so). Could you guys give me some suggestions on the content? Thank you very much!

When I was in Brown University for summer school, I appreciated the atmosphere of a small school. Now in retrospect, this opportunity had greatly shifted the track of my future. The small classes, the availability of professors, and the close-knit community really fascinated me. Thus, I made up my mind to go to a real LAC.

Before I learned about Swarthmore, I had made up my mind to study economics. My interest in economics stems from my family. My father is a nationally-renowned expert in elevator and a top professor of Harbin Institute of Technology in my hometown, Harbin. Influenced by his specialty, I demonstrated great interests in mathematics since my childhood. My mother is a real estate investor and I have had numerous opportunities to watch her work.

With both math and investment impact, I developed my own interest in economics. I gradually find that economics is a subject that keeps changing depending on the current situation which is perfect for someone like me, interested in development and studies which apply to our world and current issues. I'm captivated by the variety of aspects to economics and their close relation to our lives and things that affect our lives.

Academically, I believe that Swarthmore is a great choice. In terms of economics, Swarthmore College not only gives me a strong economics curriculum with special emphasis on global economics in the courses such as "Political Economy of Africa", "Global Capitalism Since 1920", and "The International Economy", but also offers numerous summer research opportunities.

Moreover, although my intended major is economics, I prefer a school with a strong focus on Mathematics as well, because a solid mathematical foundation is a prerequisite for further research. Thus, I found Swarthmore perfect for me, for it allows me to pursue my thorough study in mathematics. With economics at Swarthmore College, I will have access to a wide array of studies both within and beyond my chosen major.

My interest extends not just to academics, but to other aspects as well. I am very involved in extracurricular activities, participating in several different clubs and associations in my high school. This makes Swarthmore, with a multitude of clubs and organizations, a great choice. Especially, Swarthmore College has a club called "Swarthmore Business Association (SBA)", which offers me lots of opportunities to talk to top business figures. Unlike the clubs in other schools, Swarthmore College provides a pre-professional opportunity even within the school community, which will undoubtedly be good for my future career training in business.

After attending Swarthmore College, I will have a clear path before me. My studies at Swarthmore College should virtually guarantee me for any graduate business school. And, after my graduate studies, I will be able to realize my dream of becoming a first-rate investor.