Undergraduate / UC Prompt #1 - "can I walk the walk?" [7]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

My essay contains 968 words at the moment and I am having trouble cutting it down to 500-600 words. Please help me cut out anything that is unnecessary to make my essay more concise, while still thoroughly answering the prompt.

Any comments/feedback regarding the content and effectively covering all aspects of the prompt would be very much appreciated as well. Thanks in advance!

Where do I come from? Even now, I have trouble answering that question. The world I come from can be described as a whirlwind of family, emotion, love, respect, and culture. I've always believed that the environment is what determines and shapes one's personalities and qualities, both good and bad. The influence my family has had on me provided the foundation to my life and has shaped me into the teenager I am today and the man I will become.

My world, my environment-made up of the family and friends that love me and care for me-has shaped me into who I am today and what I might become in the future. Even though my mom used to get angry with me very often, she always did it for my good. Whenever I watched TV or chatted with friends online without completing my homework, my mother would tell me to do my homework first then do other things. Slowly, I rebelled less and I would finish what's most important first without anyone telling me to do so. My dad has also had a great impact on me. He is one of the most hardworking, diligent people I've ever met, always working with one thing in mind: to support our family. My family is a low income family and, of course, times have been harsh where we had to cut down on certain luxuries but even during those times we were happy. My parents taught me to be hardworking, diligent, tolerant, and patient. With the help of these qualities that I now possess, I will continue to pursue my dream and down the career pathway linking me and who I strive to become.

But this ultimately leads to the question: Sure I can talk the talk about achieving my dreams and aspirations, but can I walk the walk? In essence, school teaches us worthwhile concepts and how to talk the talk. But that isn't enough. Somewhere in between graduating and achieving success in a fulfilling job, we need to learn to walk the walk. My passion for business and all of its characteristics was triggered as soon as I started working at my dad's café my freshman year, and I work there to this day. With my new register/waiter positions came new responsibilities and my dad's high expectations. Not only did I get proficient with handling money and balancing trays, but I also progressively learned about the various functions "behind the scenes" that kept the café thriving: managing employees, balancing money, marketing assorted menu items, and bringing new, innovative ideas to the table. Not to mention, I learned how to cook the most scrumptious omelet I have ever tasted!

There is nothing like the thrill of seeing the satisfaction on customers' faces when they take that first bite, or counting up the money earned at the end of each day, to light the fire under an aspiring businessman like myself. But simply being a lucrative top executive isn't enough for me. I need to feel that my work has the potential to have an impact on the way people live. My aim is to start putting to work the body of information I acquired in high school and college so that I can apply my knowledge to essential business innovations and make leaps and bounds in the corporate world.

However, as each day passes by, I hear it again and again. I hear the criticism; I hear the degrading remarks; I hear the negative feedback. Many people tell me that I have no skills and that my life is a waste. Others tell me that I am an over-achiever; they tell me that I will never accomplish my goals. They set limitations on my life, but I am out to prove these skeptics wrong. I hold in my hands the vision of my future, and there's not a soul on this earth who can take that away from me. But now the questions must be addressed. How do I know the vision I have for myself will become reality? How can I be so positive that things will go as expected?

Preparation is clearly one of the most important fundamentals of making a vision come alive. Preparation is simply identifying what is needed in reaching that goal. I know that in order to achieve my goals, I must first figure out a way to accomplish them. Once I have prepared, and learned what I must do in order to achieve, I must execute; I must go and do exactly what I prepared for. The third fundamental that is essential in turning a vision, my vision, into reality is the ability to overcome obstacles. Obstacles are there for our strength and growth, and every successful person has had to overcome obstacles. I know that obstacles will come, yet I have made the decision to not let them get in the way of my vision. I recognize obstacles will stand in my way, and to the extent that I can overcome these obstacles my vision will become a reality.

At seventeen years, I am armed and ready for the next challenges in my life, and am posed to rid any self-doubts. My eyes are open; my windshield has been defrosted. I no longer compare myself to others, but to the expectations I harbor within me. My heart beats with strength and vigor. I look forward to each new day and making the most of the many opportunities that I have been granted. I have a vision and I have a plan. I know that through preparation, execution, and overcoming obstacles I can turn my vision to reality. The ancient Chinese proverb puts it best, "The poorest man is not he without a cent; it is he without a vision."

Undergraduate / UC Prompt #2 - "I was a loaded spring" [11]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I chose to write about a personal quality, but it ended up being 789 words as it is right now. It would be great if you could help me cut it down to 500-600 words, if possible, and any other comments/feedback would be appreciated! Thanks in advance.

Sporadically, my wild, irrational side calls-which, in extreme circumstances, leaves me dancing around, jabbering like a monkey or a maniac (or both). My parents and friends are used to this wacky behavior, but on rare occasions an innocent bystander stumbles upon this unearthly sight. Ritualistically, the occasional spectator stops in his steps, raises an eyebrow, and suggests that I cut down on the sugar consumption. I wish it were that easy, but sugar isn't really the problem since my brother always hoards the Holy Grail of Skittles and Dreyer's "Rocky Road" Ice Cream. No, I'm afraid it's a family trait; my dad and grandpa practically have enough energy to lift an elephant. Please do not be alarmed. My family isn't a zoo of wild animals, nor am I one for that matter. It's just that I've always had an energetic and outspoken personality.

Even as a child, I was a loaded spring. When I was five, I reportedly left an aftermath of cratered bed mattress after plenty of repeated impact, the result of jumping and singing Disney songs for hours on end. Running through the courtyard of our apartment complex with my Lego-constructed sword pretending to be a Power Ranger, I drove my parents and the neighbors nuts. Eventually, my parents took me to the doctor to check if I had ADD. I didn't. The doctor said I had excess energy and just needed to run some more (Boy, were my parents thrilled).

Soon, other kids were exposed to my "ready, set, let's go!" character. Life was perfect in elementary school, but then middle school interrupted. While my friends lost their untiring youth day by day, I still had plenty to spare. Not always so spirited, my classmates would, at times, give me a hostile glance through their weary eyes. Discouraged, I toned down my enthusiasm, which appeased everyone but me. I felt like I had been locked away in a mental institution. I just didn't understand why people didn't share my vigor.

What people often mistakenly assume about me is that I am the epitome of disorderliness and disarray, which is quite the opposite. Despite my outward sugar-high appearance and demeanor, I am astonishingly a neurotic, meticulous perfectionist. Handwriting must be neat; homework has to be flawless; papers need to be neatly stacked. Everything must be balanced. It's kind of ironic, but my vivacious nature and desire for perfection create a mutual matrimony, like husband and wife, peanut butter and jelly, Yin and Yang, and what have you. However, it is the imagination, the creativity, the mental toughness, the innovative ideas, and the vision I have for myself that really make me so unique. These are things no interview, essay, or résumé can demonstrate.

Then again, sometimes order just needs to "chill" and have some fun. Memorizing vocabulary, working out physics problems, and studying for tests through cramming, in the little "academic bubble" I call my desk, just isn't my style. Often, I find myself reiterating formulas while doing silly dances and undulating my voice. Somehow, this crazy method of memorization works and also serves to entertain my brother and mom who laugh and occasionally dance along with me. Of course, I kept it all at home.

In school, life was a black and white movie until last summer, during which I was given a full scholarship to attend a cultural program, in South Korea, called Project HAN. It was a new project that had just been recently established for the sole purpose of allowing Korean Americans to experience and learn about their culture. It was just what I had needed: a splash of Korean color added to my palette, which I could then mix with the American in me to see a true blend of hues between the two. Among strangers, a whole new life was given to me. I broke out of my inner cell, and unleashed my wild side to the world, whether it was ready or not. It was. The world decided to express its acceptance through surprise. Before curfew one night, I opened my room door to find ten pairs of eyes staring at me. It would have been more heart-warming if I didn't have just a shower towel concealing my boxers and lower half. Nevertheless, my friends greeted me warmly and enlightened me that they had gathered in my room to hang out. We played cards, talked about the different sites we had seen, and joked about the day's happenings. Our merriment ended with everyone scrambling back to their rooms for bed check and promising to meet again every night. Lying in bed that night, my heart danced, and I smiled knowing that the world had finally embraced my wild side.