Undergraduate / 'Volunteering at the Medical Center' - Common App Short Answer? [4]

Hey Vanessa ,

I like the experience you have tried to portray here , but I think some sentences are too wordy. Like : But when I got to this man's room, I was shocked: he was blind, had lost a leg, and was on dialysis.

Maybe you can rephrase it as :-
However , I was shocked by what I saw ; the man was handicapped , blind and on dialysis.

When I talk to patients, I notice they have a certain aura about them, and see how they have fared in the face of misfortune: whether they have accepted it, or let it crumble them.

When I interacted with the patients , I noticed that they had a certain aura about them. It was inspiring to see how they fared in the face of misfortune.

One day, I had to translate for a Spanish speaker, and was not expecting unusual.
An unique experience was when I had to translate in Spanish for a patient ; I wasn't expecting anything unusual.

These are some of my suggestions.