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'Volunteering at the Medical Center' - Common App Short Answer?


Colomvan 2 / 2  
Oct 11, 2011   #1
This is the one that says to elaborate on an extracurricular activity. It has such a character limit though! :( so its pretty short. Thanks for reading it!

Volunteering at the Medical Center has been an enriching experience. I witnessed many things in this hospital, all very eye-opening. I have seen the miracle of life, and the sorrow of death; the tragedy of illness and the joy of recovery. Witnessing this first hand has affected me more than I can say. When I talk to patients, I notice they have a certain aura about them, and see how they have fared in the face of misfortune: whether they have accepted it, or let it crumble them. One day, I had to translate for a Spanish speaker, and was not expecting unusual. But when I got to this man's room, I was shocked: he was blind, had lost a leg, and was on dialysis. One would think these hardships would destroy a person, but he had a genuine smile that never left his face, and I could tell he had decided to make the best of his situation. He made me realize that I should be grateful for my health. It's people like him that make me admire the resilience and potential of the human race.
anandita07 - / 1  
Oct 13, 2011   #2
Hey Vanessa ,

I like the experience you have tried to portray here , but I think some sentences are too wordy. Like : But when I got to this man's room, I was shocked: he was blind, had lost a leg, and was on dialysis.

Maybe you can rephrase it as :-
However , I was shocked by what I saw ; the man was handicapped , blind and on dialysis.

When I talk to patients, I notice they have a certain aura about them, and see how they have fared in the face of misfortune: whether they have accepted it, or let it crumble them.

When I interacted with the patients , I noticed that they had a certain aura about them. It was inspiring to see how they fared in the face of misfortune.

One day, I had to translate for a Spanish speaker, and was not expecting unusual.
An unique experience was when I had to translate in Spanish for a patient ; I wasn't expecting anything unusual.

These are some of my suggestions.
oscarlpf1 2 / 7  
Oct 13, 2011   #3
I think you should mention only in 3 words how long you were there
OP Colomvan 2 / 2  
Oct 15, 2011   #4
ohh thanks so much ana! i'll make those corrections :)

but i don't really understand what you're trying to say oscar :/
do you mean i should say how long i have been volunteering there? because i'm still going to the hospital. i dont plan on stopping till January. should i put that in?


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