Undergraduate / UC prompt - a man and woman from Hong Kong [NEW]

If you can please leave comments about the content, grammar, and punctuation. Thank you!

Prompt 1
Describe the world you come from-for example, your family, community, or school-and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspiration.

As a man and woman from Hong Kong looked down from their airplane onto the San Francisco bay they envisioned a new life for themselves and their three small children. They wanted to raise their children in a communist free society - a place with many opportunities to become successful. Soon after their arrival to the United States reality struck and their life wasn't going to be as picture perfect as they thought it would be.

That man and woman is my parents. When I was younger my sister would take care of my brother and I while my parents went out to look for jobs. After living in the United States for a few months still without jobs my father considered moving back to Hong Kong but my mother refused. She soon found a job after that. Even now, both my parents work menial jobs to provide for our family so that my siblings and I can achieve our own American dream.

My mother was not able to finish high school and my father has some college education. Ever since I was young, my parents have told me how important a college education is. This past Christmas my family went to china to visit my mom's side of the family. As I was there I realized how important going to college and having a successful career is. I learned how lucky I was to be given option of college and to chose what I want to do in the future given my background. My cousin's got to go to college but they were not able to finish and get successful careers. I am no longer just obeying my parents and listening to what they told me, but embracing the importance of college that many other people in this world aren't able to receive. My parents and my family have shaped my dream of going to college and finding a successful career.

prompt 2
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Essay removed as it has already been posted and commented on in another thread (essayforum.com/2_3269_0.html).

Undergraduate / "I cherished friendship" - UC APPLICATION prompt 2 [3]

If you could please comment on the content of the essay, grammar, and punctuation.

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

It was a clear Monday afternoon. The sky was light blue with scattered clouds. The sun was more than half way in the sky. There was a light breeze that I felt with every step I took. My friend and I were walking to a nearby school where my sister would pick me up and she would walk the rest of the way home. It was after our monthly Key club board meetings. " That was a good meeting," I said. "Yeah, I ate so much food." She replied. "Haha, you're such a loser. How have you been?" I asked. "I've been okay, Stefanie is coming back this weekend." She said. "Oh are you excited?" I asked. "Yeah, I guess but I don't know, I hope she's nicer to me this summer." she said. " Oh I see, Yeah I understand what you're saying. Don't worry about it. I'm sure things will go fine." I said trying to sooth her. "Oh Yeah, did I tell you I found a new awkward sign?" I said with excitement. "No, haha, what is it?" She asked. "Awkward palm tree!" I said as I put one of my arms horizontally and the other arm on top of it vertically. I curved my fingers then made them straight again over and over again to make it look like the "palm leaves" were moving. My sister pulled up to the school where we were waiting for her. "Hey are you sure you don't want a ride home?" I asked before I got into the car. "No it's ok, I want to stop by TJ Max." She said as she started to walk towards her house. "Okay, I'll talk to you later."

An hour passed as I got home. I called her to make sure she got home safely. " Hey did you get home yet?" I asked. " Yeah, a while ago," she replied. "How was TJ Max?" "It was good, I bought a new rack for my bathroom." " Oh cool, it was really good talking to you. It made me realize how long we haven't talked for." " Yeah! You made my day a lot better." As she was saying those words, I smiled and happiness consumed my emotions.

Ever since I was young I always valued friendship, I would try to get to know my friends beyond what met the eye. I did this without ever knowing why. That day when she said those words over the phone I finally realized why I cherished friendship. The chance that you can change the way someone's day is going or even the possibility of changing someone's life is worth taking the time to get to know them better.