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Posts by hyemskim
Joined: Oct 12, 2011
Last Post: Oct 13, 2011
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hyemskim   
Oct 12, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'My sister is my teacher' - a descriptive paragraph about a person [3]

I am assigned to write a descriptive paragraph about a person in my life that is very important. This is what i have so far. If you could help me edit it that would be great. I am open to all suggestions. Thank you so much!

Everyone has a family, but only few are lucky to have an inspiring, strong and caring sister like mine. My sister's name is Jay Kim. She is 16 years old and currently isn't living with me. The reason being that she is doing an advanced academic program called "International Baccalaureate (short for IB)" and they do not provide the program in this area. My sister lives with a family friend in Sherwood Park. She works her brain off to meet deadlines, constantly produce new ideas, take care of her own needs, and on top of that, she tries to fit time in her busy schedule every night to call or text us. For IB, Jay is sacrificing so much to be the best that she can be. That's exactly what she is. Although IB doesn't define her, what she loves about it is that it's a challenge for her.

Jay is everything that a little sister would have wanted. She's understanding, intelligent, funny, and charismatic. Jay brings a solution to every situation. My sister is my teacher. She guides me through life. Jay tells me what things are to be avoided and what things are going to benefit you. She is a beauty. Jay is true to everyone and herself.I love my sister and no one can do anything to make me detached to her. We are sisters and I hope that someday I can care for her as she has cared for me.
hyemskim   
Oct 12, 2011
Research Papers / Looking for angle/thesis statement to approach essay/Prime Minister John A. Macdonald [3]

I think that is a good start but I would suggest to make a brief introduction of who he was instead of asking the reader of who he was. This might be a good idea so that the reader can either recap on what they know about him already or if they arn't aware of who he is, then they can get an informative yet very brief discription of who he was in the thesis statement. For example: John A. Macdonald was a memorable indivisual in Canada's society because of the important deeds that he did and the accomplishments that he made. I hope this helped
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