mehwish khan
Nov 11, 2008
Undergraduate / not many opportunities for women to get education - college essay [4]
can you please proofread my essay and fix the grammtical mistakes andtell me if i stay on topic "Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?"
"Being born and raised in a country where there were not many opportunities for women to get education and become successful in life. My mom did not go to college because women were not really encouraged to go to school but instead got married at a young age. However, I started kindergarten in Pakistan and went to English school but never spoke English there. I never took studies seriously because I knew that even if I studied I would end up like anyone else who hasn't studied. However, my family moved to the United States in 2000 and from the first day, I knew that I would have beneficial opportunities here but how to use those resources and achieve the goal I want in life was onme.
Moving to United States was a difficult time for me because I couldn't speak English and it was hard for me to communicate with others. As I went to middle school I read books which I did not understand but I kept reading the same book many times until I understood it. It was my goal to speak good English by the time I was in high school. However, in high school I was still in ESL classes but I could speak pretty good English. Moreover, I joined a culture unity club in my high school where students talked about their countries and current situations. This club raised my interest in studying other countries and I wondered why some countries were rich and some are poor. I did not get my answer until I took economic classes in community college. I did not know anything about the economy before but these classes raised my interest even more.
Moreover, every summer I go back to Pakistan and I take Urdu, which is the national language of Pakistan, and Punjabi classes; I can also speak Pustho, which is spoken in Pakistan and Afghanistan. I learned these different languages because economies around the world are much related and if I am working in other parts of the world I can easily understand their culture if I know the language they speak. Also, it is important to know different aspects of their culture before opening a business in a foreign country. Furthermore, my uncle opened a business in Pakistan and I advised him about the supply and demand issues and how he should take decision when there is a recession or inflation. From that I felt like people in third world countries do not have much knowledge about how to run businesses.
However, In 2000 I did not know English and no idea about economics. Now I can speak fluent English and can speak four languages. I feel proud as a person because I am the first girl in my family who is studying abroad and knows that she can be something in future. I want to take my accomplishments that I have achieved so far as a tool for studying further at UC on broader scale. I want to spread my education in other parts of the world that really needs knowledge about how to run businesses and make useful decisions which can help their countries economy.
can you please proofread my essay and fix the grammtical mistakes andtell me if i stay on topic "Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?"
"Being born and raised in a country where there were not many opportunities for women to get education and become successful in life. My mom did not go to college because women were not really encouraged to go to school but instead got married at a young age. However, I started kindergarten in Pakistan and went to English school but never spoke English there. I never took studies seriously because I knew that even if I studied I would end up like anyone else who hasn't studied. However, my family moved to the United States in 2000 and from the first day, I knew that I would have beneficial opportunities here but how to use those resources and achieve the goal I want in life was onme.
Moving to United States was a difficult time for me because I couldn't speak English and it was hard for me to communicate with others. As I went to middle school I read books which I did not understand but I kept reading the same book many times until I understood it. It was my goal to speak good English by the time I was in high school. However, in high school I was still in ESL classes but I could speak pretty good English. Moreover, I joined a culture unity club in my high school where students talked about their countries and current situations. This club raised my interest in studying other countries and I wondered why some countries were rich and some are poor. I did not get my answer until I took economic classes in community college. I did not know anything about the economy before but these classes raised my interest even more.
Moreover, every summer I go back to Pakistan and I take Urdu, which is the national language of Pakistan, and Punjabi classes; I can also speak Pustho, which is spoken in Pakistan and Afghanistan. I learned these different languages because economies around the world are much related and if I am working in other parts of the world I can easily understand their culture if I know the language they speak. Also, it is important to know different aspects of their culture before opening a business in a foreign country. Furthermore, my uncle opened a business in Pakistan and I advised him about the supply and demand issues and how he should take decision when there is a recession or inflation. From that I felt like people in third world countries do not have much knowledge about how to run businesses.
However, In 2000 I did not know English and no idea about economics. Now I can speak fluent English and can speak four languages. I feel proud as a person because I am the first girl in my family who is studying abroad and knows that she can be something in future. I want to take my accomplishments that I have achieved so far as a tool for studying further at UC on broader scale. I want to spread my education in other parts of the world that really needs knowledge about how to run businesses and make useful decisions which can help their countries economy.
