Undergraduate / 'Wordpress + Pedro Ruiz, Peru' - UVA supplement [2]

Question about your second essay, where exactly are you you elaborating where you're from? Because if it's from Mississippi, than your opening paragraph about Peru is unnecessary.

To answer your question, as a black person, your use of black culture while not negative, is kind of insulting, but mostly awkward. "crunchy, seasoned chicken wings" are not a passion of black culture haha. I think that you should talk more about the community outreach projects that you do in your neighborhood and how that affects your world.

And you should take out your last line "The diversity of my world allows me to respect..." it's a bit weak. And you want your essay to end in a fabulously SHABAM! sorta way.

Undergraduate / 'tales of the Chinese Cultural Revolution - Georgetown U Essay about yourself [2]

I'm applying to Georgetown early too! Good luck!(:

Today, I have established myself as a student appreciated by teachers and peers alike. This seems a bit off-putting, how do you know that your teachers appreciate you?

Looking back, I am extremely grateful for the family education I received that made me the person I am today--a person whom I am glad to be.

Your ending is also kind of lame, you should make it POP! and be amazing! How you do so is up to you.

Overall really good essay, I really like it. And I can definitely empathize with you about your parents.

Undergraduate / 'the MEC (Model European Council)' - Elaborate on an EC -COMMONAPP [2]

March of 2011, I had the amazing opportunity to take part in the MEC (Model European Council) which was being hosted in Varese (Italy). The MEC is a political simulation organized by the European Schools What are the European Schools? Elaborate! . Selected students from each of the 13 schools take on roles as politicians from the 27 member states of the EU. The three day conference is chockfull of mock council and plenary sessions where we [describe what exactly you do] this is just a suggestion!

New Paragraph Last year, I took the role of Romania's Foreign Capitalize! A ffairs Capitalize! M inister and had the duty to defend the countries interests and represent its ideology. I have always enjoyed debating and defending what I think is right and contrasting my thoughts with people around me, and being at the MEC provided myself with a new challenge. I had to support the policies and ideas of Romania's current government and that meant they didn't necessarily accord to mine. For the first time, I had to debate not for my own sake, but for the country I was currently representing. At first I felt uncomfortable but [...]. it was a useful exercise to show empathy and to look at things from another perspective. Not the best ending. Did the empathy you felt for Romania affect you in anyway? What perspectives were you looking at? How were those important? Those should be questions you answer in your response, all you're currently doing is describing what happened, colleges want to know what you took away from this event and how it shaped you as a whole.

Hope this helped!(: