Writing Feedback / 'Attitude for the changing world' Ielts Writing Task 2 [3]

Hi,

I'll give you a bit of feedback on your content.

I think you are going off topic with your answer. You seem to be focusing on technology and wider issues that affect the world. This essay is more about change on a personal basis as it talks about people 'spending their lives doing the same things'. So talking about telegrams, nuclear bombs and invading privacy, for instance, are not answering the question.

For the first side of the argument you would need to explain why some people like to keep things the same. For example, some people not wanting to change their jobs, and why they avoid this i.e. it provides security. Then, for the other side, you would need to put forward the arguments for why personal change can be a positive thing by, for example, discussing how new experiences help to build a persons confidence and maturity.

You also must make sure you clearly give your opinion as well as it asks you to do this in the question. You can do this within the body paragraphs or in the conclusion.

Hope that helps,