Undergraduate / Study abroad program in Nicaragu - Uc Prompt #2. Need Complete Revision [2]

Hey, thank you for viewing my essay. this is just a quick draft that i put together, and i was just wondering if it fits the prompt and if so, how i could make it better. thanks in advance and here it goes:

Prompt #2 (all applicants)

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

As I returned to San Francisco International Airport after going on a three week study abroad program in Nicaragua, I knew that I came back a new person. While I was picking up my luggage, I suddenly fell into a state of reminiscent. I started thinking about how I felt before I left for Nicaragua, and the experience that will forever be imprinted in my memories. My first thought was the anticipation that I felt the night before the trip; tossing and turning, not being able to go to sleep. Then came the recollection of my initiative feeling of hesitation that I felt when it was time for me to leave for Nicaragua. I was a bit reluctant to go at first because I knew that my family depended on me to work, but they were very supportive and encouraged me to get on the plane.

When I reached Nicaragua with the thirty other students that were selected to go on this once of a lifetime trip, I remember looking at everyone's facial expressions. Being from California, we were not adapt to the humidity that covered the whole atmosphere. It was hard to breathe and it seemed like everyone was ready to call it quits and go back home within the first five minutes of arriving in Nicaragua, and I could not agree more. That is until we boarded a bus that took us from the airport to our hostel. I wish that I could say I saw beautiful, blue beaches, and breath taking landscapes, but I would be lying. Instead I saw poverty at it's mightiest, and suffering that was hard to comprehend. Neighborhoods that were created by nothing more than plastic bags and tree stumps. Instantly, I felt a change of emotions. Instead of wanting to go back to the comfort of home, I felt like this was the chance for me to experience how more than two thirds of the world live.

There was a day during the trip that we all had to live on only a dollar. Wow! Was that a challenge. Food was scarce and on top of that purified water was limited. From that experience I learned to appreciate what I have here in the states. I hear people whine all the time about how they do not have the latest I-Pods or how they want more money to shop for things they obviously do not need, and I just smile to myself because I knew that thanks to my experience, I learned a new form of appreciation. I walked away from the trip with unforgettable memories that has define me as a person, and I let go of materialistic wants and needs that once held me back.

Undergraduate / UC Promt: 'sacrifice and adversity' - freshman applicants [2]

Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I do not come from a family of privilege but rather a family of sacrifice and
adversity. Although supportive to an extent, no one in my family has ever dreamed of
going to college. I never met my dad because he left me and my mom when I was a baby, and my mom dropped out of high school to take care of me when I was born. She sacrificed her future, so that I could have a better chance at succeeding in life. I am the eldest of five boys, so I feel that it is up to me to open as many doors as possible for my younger brothers. I encourage my little brothers to surpass everything I have done; that is why I make sure that they take all of the advanced placement and honors classes that I struggled in. I make sure that their grades are better than mine every quarter, every semester, every year.

I took the initiative to learn about college on my own by spending countless hours looking through college web sites and spending time discussing colleges with teachers and friends. None of my family members are able to help me apply, or guide me through scholarships and grants because none of them have been to college.

As the eldest I have also taken on the challenge of helping my mom financially. I watched as my mom was denied job after job due to the fact that she did not have a high school diploma. At the early age of twelve, I started working to help my mom with household expenses. Instead of making education my number one priority, I was forced to give it less attention, and at times work took precedence over my education. Every dollar that I received helped my mom in some way. Even though it felt good to be helping my mom, my grades did plummet somewhat. Time that could have been devoted to studying, were spent working afternoon shifts at Footlocker to help my family keep our heads above water. There have been times when I have had to try to study for a test the next day , while I was at work because I knew that by the time I would get home, I was not going to have the energy to focus on my books.

Although I have found my job at Footlocker beneficial to my family, it does not present a promising career path. For example, my manager is a person that I do not want to emulate. Although he is a bright young man, he lacks a higher education. He never went to college, and he barely made it out of high school. Consequently, jobs are very limited for him. Through his example, I have learned to push myself to the limit, so that in the future I will have options. Even though I have become accustomed to working, there have been times when I guiltily wished that I was not stuck in my predicament. Dealing with the responsibilities of being born first, watching my family struggle, challenging myself and seeing the result of the lack of a higher education have not only solidified my determination to go to college, but I am motivated to push myself to succeed there as well. I have the will to not only pursue my dreams and aspiration, but to fulfill my dream of a higher education.