Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I do not come from a family of privilege but rather a family of sacrifice and
adversity. Although supportive to an extent, no one in my family has ever dreamed of
going to college. I never met my dad because he left me and my mom when I was a baby, and my mom dropped out of high school to take care of me when I was born. She sacrificed her future, so that I could have a better chance at succeeding in life. I am the eldest of five boys, so I feel that it is up to me to open as many doors as possible for my younger brothers. I encourage my little brothers to surpass everything I have done; that is why I make sure that they take all of the advanced placement and honors classes that I struggled in. I make sure that their grades are better than mine every quarter, every semester, every year.
I took the initiative to learn about college on my own by spending countless hours looking through college web sites and spending time discussing colleges with teachers and friends. None of my family members are able to help me apply, or guide me through scholarships and grants because none of them have been to college.
As the eldest I have also taken on the challenge of helping my mom financially. I watched as my mom was denied job after job due to the fact that she did not have a high school diploma. At the early age of twelve, I started working to help my mom with household expenses. Instead of making education my number one priority, I was forced to give it less attention, and at times work took precedence over my education. Every dollar that I received helped my mom in some way. Even though it felt good to be helping my mom, my grades did plummet somewhat. Time that could have been devoted to studying, were spent working afternoon shifts at Footlocker to help my family keep our heads above water. There have been times when I have had to try to study for a test the next day , while I was at work because I knew that by the time I would get home, I was not going to have the energy to focus on my books.
Although I have found my job at Footlocker beneficial to my family, it does not present a promising career path. For example, my manager is a person that I do not want to emulate. Although he is a bright young man, he lacks a higher education. He never went to college, and he barely made it out of high school. Consequently, jobs are very limited for him. Through his example, I have learned to push myself to the limit, so that in the future I will have options. Even though I have become accustomed to working, there have been times when I guiltily wished that I was not stuck in my predicament. Dealing with the responsibilities of being born first, watching my family struggle, challenging myself and seeing the result of the lack of a higher education have not only solidified my determination to go to college, but I am motivated to push myself to succeed there as well. I have the will to not only pursue my dreams and aspiration, but to fulfill my dream of a higher education.
Make sure you are using proper spacing. For instance, "...next day , while..." should
be "...next day, while..."
You've done a fine job illustrating your world and how it has shaped your vision of your future. The piece is well organized and flows easily. Your introduction is interesting, and your conclusion wraps the piece up nicely. With just a little more polishing I think you'll be ready for submission. Nice work.
