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Posts by Elitelee
Joined: Nov 22, 2011
Last Post: Nov 22, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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Elitelee   
Nov 22, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Cross country, to make the best out of it' - University of California prompt 2 [6]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

The sun's shining brightly on my body, i feel the blood rushing in and out of my veins, circulating heat throughout my body. Fall 2010, It's my first official race as a George Washington Eagle Cross Country runner. In Front I see 100 runners positioned to pounce forward at the bang of the signal gun."On your mark, get set, Bang" The blob of 150 runners quickly form a mutated snakes with scales of different contrasting colors.There were about 100 runners upfront kicking dirt 6 feet in the air. My anemic body was already worn from running, i had no choice but to slow down.

Eventually i was 25 places from last, i wanted to give up. I felt like barfing from inhaling dirt and cramps were slowly accumulating in my calves. I kept my pace and my position as the race continues on. As the course continues, two hills emerge in my vision. Runners were struggling as they lost their momentum climbing the hill. I saw this chance to overrun others and sped up the hill. It was tiring, but i knew that over the hill was a easy path downhill. I realized that my calves were giving out from the pressure of my body as gravity added on while running downhill.

There it was, the final hill past the pothole landmine meadow and the miniature marsh. Along the trail up were another group of hill slouchers. I dashed right past them, only to my surprise that Coach Corbett was on top of the hill. She yelled, "Keep it up Johnny, keep going!". I felt a boost of confidence that allowed me to catch up to the next runner.

Two runners surpassed me at 60 meters from the finish line. My team saw this, and screamed, "Come on Johnny, start strong, finish strong!" In mind, i told myself, "What are you doing, your almost there and you give up?" At the 20 meter mark,i felt weightless and soared like an Eagle as i retook my position before the two runners. The burst of energy caused me to feel a burn from the friction of my foot and the insole. As i was walking back to grab some water, a teammate congratulated me, "Dude, Johnny it seemed like you were punching yourself, good job."

I felt proud that i didn't give up even though the situation wasn't in my favor. If i tried i had at least percent of succeeding, but if i gave up then the percentage of succeeding would be 0. I learned from Cross Country that even when all odds are against me, I'll just have to cope with it. To produce the best results so that in the future i won't regret on that day when i can in after the two runners. This is reality, the odds are always against me, I'll just have to make the best out of it.

Shred this till it breaks please.
Elitelee   
Nov 22, 2011
Writing Feedback / Education is dominant factor for development of country [5]

Your diction is a problem, dont use phrases like it's true, etc. It is suppose to be your opinion, words that sound to be the opinion of the general public or doesn't hold it's ground in an argument shouldn't be used.
Elitelee   
Nov 22, 2011
Undergraduate / Revision: North/South Korea Family Reunion [2]

A bunch of grammar mistakes. Reread it but with a silent voice so that you can catch the mistakes.

6 hours was the duration that the North Korean family and South Korean family could finally meet for their first time in 60 years and it would be their last time. Tears naturally came out of the eyes of old son and daughter as they bowed to their ailing parents. The South Korean family would try to pack their North Korean families with snacks, clothes, photos, and medications; at least they believe that these could show their apologies and compassions. But 6 hours have passes so fast, and bus drove back to the port and back to North Korea with a ship. The family knew that they will never meet again.

1.never start with a number
2. 6 hours was the duration that the North Korean family and South Korean family could finally meet for their first time in 60 years and it would be their last time

For the first and last time in 60 years, a lost family reunion from both North and South Korea took place.
3. Tears naturally came out of the eyes of the matured son and daughter as they bowed to their ailing parents.
4. The gifts were pretty confusing on who was the reciever.

kinda got to go, but i will keep editing as i have more time kk?
Elitelee   
Nov 22, 2011
Undergraduate / 'February 1998, San Francisco' - University of California prompt 1 [NEW]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

February 1998, San Francisco red-light district. Sounds of video games filled the air in a Broadway Arcade as tensions brewed between two Triad groups. A gun shot was fired and heard by the Asian underworld of San Francisco. The SFPD Asian Gang Task Force quickly reacted to a Seven Star member firing a fatal bullet at a Hop Sing Boy. My cousin, Seven Star member (Censored name) , was a suspect and was eventually charged with 10 years for manslaughter. He passed away shortly after his release from prison.

Every adolescent of Chinatown that were neglected of love and support from their parents joined gangs to find acceptance, money, and protection. I was part of this group until age 12, when i matured and realized that the path as a Triad member wasn't glorious. People die, families cry, and life just keeps passing by. Hanging out with negative associates was not very smart on my part. I decided to isolate myself from these negative aspects of my life by breaking the social norms of Chinatown, which were going to Galileo academy, joining a gang, and giving up in school. I went to George Washington, a school on the other side of the city because i viewed it as an opportunity to turn over a new leaf.

"You did an outstanding job, here take this card and tell your school advisor to contact me." My supervisor at the 2009 PGA president cup at San Francisco praised me for my work. It was my first time volunteering and i already felt good about myself and what i was doing. From being despised to being praised was a huge step for me. I felt that the GWHS Eagle Pride Club provided what i needed, a method of giving back to society as a way to repent for my previous naive idiotic decisions of participation in criminal activities. I changed my membership to the Elite membership in Eagle Pride and dedicated into representing this club by volunteering at events that donated all profits to funding researching cures for disease. Eventually in the club, i recruited a group of friends from Washington, whom also wanted to volunteer. We became known as "Johnny's group", this entitlement made me feel proud because i was influencing others to do something productive with their time. For every event, i would wake up at 5 AM to dress up, ride the bus, and start to volunteer at 6 AM. It was challenging to wake up so early in the morning, but i saw it as a way to change myself, to remind myself that i owe this to society, to give back for my mistakes.

I spent my my previous two summers volunteering at Saint Francis Memorial Hospital. I knew I was only capable of doing simple tasks like office work, but to my surprise i was given an opportunity to do much more. I was able to interact with visitors and patients to see if they would like some books, newspapers, magazines, snacks, or beverages. There weren't any special rewards, but it's nice to see a few smiles now and then. I enjoy being appreciated for what I am doing instead of being viewed with fear. In the past, the parents of classmates would view me with disapproval. They would tell their child not to associate with me anymore.

To pick up the pace of my studies, i challenged myself to college level courses in 11th grade, knowing very well that i didn't process the ability to pass these classes. It was extremely challenging for me, the workload, the bombardment of tests, and the concentration require for these courses exceed what i experienced in the past. Fortunately through effort and motivation, i passed these college courses with Bs. I passed because i reminded myself constantly that this is another milestone that i need to pass by to prepare myself for the future.

Laws are created to protect lives and property. I committed small-time crimes in the past against the law. Giving myself an opportunity to repent by promoting the well-being of humans made my conscience feel good. That's why I decided to be an enforcer of the law, to be a lawyer so that society is governed under order and law. I want to maintain this feeling of appreciation from others when i aid them.

Shred This Please
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