Kash
Nov 29, 2011
Undergraduate / '"The Pearl" by John Steinbeck' - a book that changed the way you see the world [5]
Here are my suggestions to remove a few glitches in your essay:
The novella revolves around a man named Kino who
Instead of "becoming a big shot", "becoming a noteworthy and influential person in his village" is more appropriate in writing.
Reword this whole sentence "Kino began to become consumed by greed and he refused to sell the pearl for the large sum of money offered because he desired more". Perhaps something like this: Overtaken by increasing greed, Kino refused to sell the pearl for a large sum offered to him and thought of selling the pearl for an even higher price.
Try not to use a word twice in an essay. The word "greed" is becoming redundant here. "but he loses sight of his dreams and hopes when greed starts to consume him and fails in achieving his original goal." Try this: but his avarice sways over him and leads him to forget the initial purpose he had for the desired money and to fail to achieve it.
Here are my suggestions to remove a few glitches in your essay:
The novella revolves around a man named Kino who
Instead of "becoming a big shot", "becoming a noteworthy and influential person in his village" is more appropriate in writing.
Reword this whole sentence "Kino began to become consumed by greed and he refused to sell the pearl for the large sum of money offered because he desired more". Perhaps something like this: Overtaken by increasing greed, Kino refused to sell the pearl for a large sum offered to him and thought of selling the pearl for an even higher price.
Try not to use a word twice in an essay. The word "greed" is becoming redundant here. "but he loses sight of his dreams and hopes when greed starts to consume him and fails in achieving his original goal." Try this: but his avarice sways over him and leads him to forget the initial purpose he had for the desired money and to fail to achieve it.
