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Posts by adamneedshelp
Joined: Dec 11, 2011
Last Post: Dec 11, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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adamneedshelp   
Dec 11, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Seeing the World Through Sand' - Common App Short Extracurricular Essay [7]

Twilista!
I was really impressed by your common application extra curricular response
your use of sand to create scenes is incredibly creative, and totally original.
I don't think you need to claim who you are, because this piece does it for you. You may not think you answered the "how this improved you part," but i think you did,

you may want to focus on syntax and vary your sentences at the end, so as to not answer the prompt directly like that.
I hope this helps =/
adamneedshelp   
Dec 11, 2011
Undergraduate / UofRochester "Ever Better"-I locked myself in a locker [4]

I Liked your syntax in this piece. (i.e: Locker=tomb)
rewording the last 2 sentences might be to your advantage. It was difficult for me to understand the last bit
I see where you're going, but it might be detrimental to blatantly answer the prompt like that in the end...
Other wise, good ideas, and i enjoyed reading this.
adamneedshelp   
Dec 11, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Persian-American' + 'The sneaker game' - Tufts is my dream school [4]

2. There is a Quaker saying: ''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood, or community--and how it influenced the person you are today. (200-250 words)

Word count: 243
Born into a Persian-American family, I was taught to be very conservative and humble about my well being. My parents never flaunted -- nor denied -- our wealth and we followed a very nonchalant lifestyle. It was not until the seventh grade when my parents made the crucial decision to move to New York City from our simple, quiet, upstate home, that I began to feel uncomfortable with my surroundings. The sudden change in lifestyle was too drastic, and I was experiencing nostalgia for the lifestyle I had left behind upstate.

The brutality of New York City slaps you in the face, waking you up with its inflexible attitude, demands and patterns. Self expression is lost and to some extent not appreciated amongst the crowded population one lives around. People become "disposable"; forming ephemeral bonds with one another only to never interact with one another again is an example of the very nature of the city. The mundaneness is reoccurring and everything seems gray. As a result, people lose their optimism and lean toward realism. I certainly have.

The Bob Dylan song "Queen Jane Approximately" conveys the mediocre and hackneyed attitude I have of this city, and offers a solution to my weary lifestyle. Visit the "Queen Jane," who is a manifested entity suggesting that one could and should make a change to his/her lifestyle; whether it be with or without help. Leaving this city is the solution to my problem.

3. For the second short response, we asked you to consider the world around you. Now, consider the world within. Taste in music, food, and clothing can make a statement while politics, sports, religion, and ethnicity are often defining attributes. Are you a vegetarian? A poet? Do you prefer YouTube or test tubes, Mac or PC? Are you the drummer in an all-girl rock band? Do you tinker? Use the richness of your identity to frame your personal outlook. (200-250 words)

Word Count: 185
"The sneaker game": a time in my high school career when matching kicks to what I was wearing meant almost everything to me. Every day, I wore a pair of numbered Air Jordans or Nike SBs and would walk out my house, exerting caution wherever I stepped. Simultaneously, I made sure that I didn't step on anything dirty or crease my "kicks". During this time period, aesthetics became my sole concern, and as a result, I lost touch with myself. My sneakers became the driver, and I rode shotgun.

I thought that sneakers made me cooler than everyone else. I made friends at a quick rate, but these "friends" simply liked me because of how I looked, and not my persona. As soon as I realized this, I went to war with my sneakers and I fought hard for the deciding factor of who would represent me.

Ever since my enlightenment brought on by Hindu and Buddhist principles I began to devalue aesthetics, which one can see by my marred jeans, dirty sneakers, and untamed bush-like afro and instead, focused more on my personality.
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