Undergraduate / (Golf course / Mickey Mouse) UVA Supplement & Engineering Essays [2]

Hi, I just need some help editing these essays! And pointers and constructive criticism is greatly appreciated! I would be more than happy to read some of your essays if you all help me :)

-Engineering: If you were given funding for a small engineering project, what would you do?

Dressed in khakis and an aquamarine Polo, I joined my mother and brother on the lush green golf course. Four! My mediocre golf skills resulted in a tedious lecture by mom and more importantly, five missing golf balls. If I received the proper funding, I would create a retraceable golf ball that can be pinpointed by anyone from any location.

When constructing the golf ball, a miniscule microchip will be placed in the center. This chip will be extremely light, therefore not affecting the depth and drive of the ball when struck by a metal club. Each package of pearly white golf balls also comes with a sheet containing the microchip identification numbers for the respective balls purchased. A portable, handheld scanner, comprised of a large keypad and an image friendly screen, must also be patented to track the microchips placed on the interior of the dimple-redundant balls. By punching in the identification number of the missing ball into the scanning device, a harmless radio frequency is let off to properly calculate the approximate location of the golf ball.

Avid golfers practically reside on the green and the expense of misplacing golf ball after golf ball becomes exceedingly costly. Detection devices have proved both effective and reputable in our loyal canine pets, so this product can be deemed just as successful. Not only will this phenomenon change the perspective of golf players, but also the way that rapidly advanced technology can be incorporated in everyday activities.

-Discuss something you secretly like but pretend not to, or vice versa.

As I flip through a plethora of channels on a crisp, Saturday morning, several television sitcoms catch my eye. A typical female teenager would spend an entire day observing the idiotic, unamusing antics of "Jersey Shore" characters, but I would rather lounge on my comfortable couch while watching rudimentary shows such as "Higglytown Heroes" and "The Backyardigans".

This spectacle sparked my attention two years ago while babysitting my smaller cousin. We were both enjoying a nice bowl of cereal when the theme song of "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" filled our ears. The song progressed and my head began to move in sync with the rhythm. Throughout the program, a large, Colgate smile plastered onto my face; I had truly forgotten how fascinating talking animated characters could be, despite the repetitive review of basic concepts. My eyes widened and my mouth opened in awe at the conclusion of the thirty minute show; from then on, I knew that I had fallen back in love with Playhouse Disney and Nick Jr., the phenomena that once captivated me at the age of five.

A few weeks later, I had a group of friends over and we vigorously contemplated on what to watch. My recommendation of "something on Playhouse Disney" was immediately ridiculed and eventually shot down. Covering up my true feelings, I laughed harmoniously with my friends as they conversed about how those shows were nuisances and meant for little children; such insensitive comments took a blow to my pride, but I didn't show any signs of frailty. We finally turned to a reality sitcom and never spoke of this again.

My desire to stay in touch with my inner child may be frowned upon by my peers. Despite this fact, such secrets exist among many and therefore, should be embraced.

Thanks so much :)

Undergraduate / 'the Hermitage High School String Quartet ' - University of Richmond --Comfort Zone [2]

Hi :) This is the full topic: Tell us about an experience in which you left your comfort zone. How did this experience change you? Any tips/constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!

As a junior in high school, I was chosen. My high school orchestra teacher saw me as one of the more talented violinists in the class and asked if I would like to become a member of the Hermitage High School String Quartet during my senior year. A large, white smile plastered onto my face and without hesitation, I accepted her generous offer.

Our first performance was at a unique, local restaurant named Mosaic's. While driving to our show, apprehensive thoughts began to race through my mind. Nervousness set in and the fear of playing an extremely difficult solo made my body quiver violently. The urge to vomit came and eventually subsided. Having played the violin for six years at the time, I was always used to playing in an enormous orchestra with accompanying violins, violas, celli, and basses. All eyes would be on me; in my mind, the pettiest, rudimentary mistake would result in ridicule from my friends and others in attendance.

Walking into the restaurant, my trembling knees collided with one another. I encountered the additional members of the String Quartet, and they quickly noticed my anxiousness and agitation. Constant reassurance was embedded into my brain that everything would be okay. I unpacked my violin, and while a series of deep breaths kept me harmonious; a pair of bleak and clammy hands was still evident. The moment had finally arrived. Sixty people expected to hear elegant, classical music as they enjoyed their appetizing meals and what a better way to do that than to hear a three minute violin solo. Lightly placing the violin between my left shoulder and chin, I positioned the bow on the string and started playing Veracini's "Gigue from Sonata in D Minor". All of a sudden, the room felt empty; it was just me and the music. I was no longer concerned with the opinions of others, just as long as my best effort was put forth. Bystanders seemed to be in awe with my use of vibrato; the crispness of the violin strings was beneficial as my fingers steadily oscillated back and forth. Smooth, long bow strokes brought out the majestic tone of the instrument. A final chord concluded the piece and a boisterous round of applause erupted from the audience. That same conspicuous smile appeared again, this time lasting for minutes on end.

After enduring the intense internal conflicts of playing a solo in front of a great number of people, I feel as if I can achieve anything. Confidence in public gives off an exclusive type of swagger that is very essential because whether I like it or not, I am judged based upon my actions and character. Great impressions are everlasting; even when stepping out of my comfort zone, I try to make the best of every situation that comes my way. With trying new things comes new challenges and although the transition from the commonplace to the unfamiliar is intricate, any situation can become more sanguine with an optimistic mindset and supportive peers.

Thanks a lot! :)