Freedom
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'how important my family members were' - significant experience [3]
Thank you very much for the help.
Thank you very much for the help.
Freedom
Dec 22, 2011
Undergraduate / 'how important my family members were' - significant experience [3]
Can you please give me suggestions how my essays is and how can i fix the ending?
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
It was a Monday in September. School was starting on that day, but I did not go because I was packing for the biggest journey in my life to meet my dad. When I was about a year old, my dad left my home country and moved to the U.S to support my family and me. Since the day he left, he never came back to visit us because he would be coerced to do national service in Eritrea if he came back. Thus all of my relationship with him was over the phone.
When my dad settled in the U.S, he started the process to bring us with him. However, because of some immigration laws, we were not allowed to leave at that time. Years flew by without seeing my father and we finally decided to meet by any means possible. We could not endure the separation anymore. That is why I was packing on the first day of the school year.
That Monday I set out to a city near the border of Sudan to cross the Eritrean border. On my way to the city, I was very scared because I did not have a legal pass to get into the city; I was trying to elude the soldiers by passing as a bus conductor. When I got to the controlling block, a place where the soldiers ask for official paper, I was terrified. However, the soldiers did not even pay any attention to me and I arrived in the city serenely.
When I arrived, I had to stay there for about two weeks. I worked as a bus conductor for the man who brought me, so that I did not look like a newcomer. Without this job, the people who turned in illegal immigrants for money might have suspected me. Fortunately, the two weeks went by peacefully. Even though I was scared during all this time but the hope that I would finally to see my father kept me going.
On a Monday, after two weeks in the city, the man I was working for instructed me to go to a specific place to meet the people who were taking me to Sudan. I was scared because many people die crossing the border; some of them get shot and some of them die from thirst and hunger and excited because I was taking the biggest step towards meeting my dad. Feeling both scared and excited at the same moment, I went to the meeting place. I waited for the people for an unbearable thirty minutes. Thankfully, the people finally came and took me in their pickup truck. The ride was terrifying and uncomfortable because I was on top of the truck and it was moving extremely fast but I had to concentrate on the outcome; I was finally meeting my dad after many years. The trip was only about thirty minutes long and I was in Sudan before I knew it. As soon as I arrived in Sudan, I knew that I had overcome the biggest obstacle towards meeting my dad. Our dream of reuniting was finally coming true.
In my border crossing to Sudan, I was scared of losing my life. But I did not have anyone to tell how scared I was. I was on top of a truck by myself. In my home country, my family members were the people who I shared my true feelings with; my fears and my joys. However I did not fully understand how valuable they were to me until I finally went through a situation without them. They were the once who I go to every time I have problems or when I need help but in my border crossing they were nowhere to be found. This event made me think how important my family members were to me.
Can you please give me suggestions how my essays is and how can i fix the ending?
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
It was a Monday in September. School was starting on that day, but I did not go because I was packing for the biggest journey in my life to meet my dad. When I was about a year old, my dad left my home country and moved to the U.S to support my family and me. Since the day he left, he never came back to visit us because he would be coerced to do national service in Eritrea if he came back. Thus all of my relationship with him was over the phone.
When my dad settled in the U.S, he started the process to bring us with him. However, because of some immigration laws, we were not allowed to leave at that time. Years flew by without seeing my father and we finally decided to meet by any means possible. We could not endure the separation anymore. That is why I was packing on the first day of the school year.
That Monday I set out to a city near the border of Sudan to cross the Eritrean border. On my way to the city, I was very scared because I did not have a legal pass to get into the city; I was trying to elude the soldiers by passing as a bus conductor. When I got to the controlling block, a place where the soldiers ask for official paper, I was terrified. However, the soldiers did not even pay any attention to me and I arrived in the city serenely.
When I arrived, I had to stay there for about two weeks. I worked as a bus conductor for the man who brought me, so that I did not look like a newcomer. Without this job, the people who turned in illegal immigrants for money might have suspected me. Fortunately, the two weeks went by peacefully. Even though I was scared during all this time but the hope that I would finally to see my father kept me going.
On a Monday, after two weeks in the city, the man I was working for instructed me to go to a specific place to meet the people who were taking me to Sudan. I was scared because many people die crossing the border; some of them get shot and some of them die from thirst and hunger and excited because I was taking the biggest step towards meeting my dad. Feeling both scared and excited at the same moment, I went to the meeting place. I waited for the people for an unbearable thirty minutes. Thankfully, the people finally came and took me in their pickup truck. The ride was terrifying and uncomfortable because I was on top of the truck and it was moving extremely fast but I had to concentrate on the outcome; I was finally meeting my dad after many years. The trip was only about thirty minutes long and I was in Sudan before I knew it. As soon as I arrived in Sudan, I knew that I had overcome the biggest obstacle towards meeting my dad. Our dream of reuniting was finally coming true.
In my border crossing to Sudan, I was scared of losing my life. But I did not have anyone to tell how scared I was. I was on top of a truck by myself. In my home country, my family members were the people who I shared my true feelings with; my fears and my joys. However I did not fully understand how valuable they were to me until I finally went through a situation without them. They were the once who I go to every time I have problems or when I need help but in my border crossing they were nowhere to be found. This event made me think how important my family members were to me.