Uwaiting
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / William & Mary Supplement: Beyond academics and extracurriculars [2]
May one of you please correct my rough draft (or advise me in what to do)? Thank you for your help.
Prompt:
Beyond your impressive academic credentials and extracurricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful?
Also I am not quite sure if it really works with the prompt.
I glanced over my porch's overstep and saw a discarded copy of the Los Angeles Times, I would normally never bind myself to read such trivial trash, but its title sparked my interest. The headline smacked in size thirty-two font exclaimed "Measuring Your Future Success"; I beat myself up and grabbed the crumpled manuscript hoping to reinforce my ego. I continued to read the paper and was plunged into despair, since I was labeled a failure. It took into account my parent's education, their income, and my ethnicity, in a sense their prediction was understandable, but the pain it struck was not. As I moved through each word, I revamped myself as I continually failed to fit their predictions, ranging from my academic success to my future aspirations. I had accomplished a mistake, obtaining the title of an outlier, marking my individuality and persistence.
In a sense, the world was my antagonist as it engulfed me with a promise of failure. Fortunately, with every incorrect categorization, I pelted my colossal foe. As I disproved the last prediction I left my coup de grace. Such a formidable opponent fell to a small boy; I was David slaying Goliath! Though the feat was not lavished with golden accolades or pricey trophies, I obtained a rare title. I acclaimed the act with such high honor, since the participants were few and those who broke the predictions were even smaller.
Throughout the discourse of achieving the title, I was proud of being marked an individual through the process. Also achieving success against heavy odds lent me a sense of the world. Unlike many of my peers, I was not provided a Virgil to guide me through hell. I had to strive through every endeavor without the assistance of an instruction manual providing a set course for success. An unfortunate circumstance that I accepted with open arms, since it provided me with a sense of realism. Although I carried these unfortunate burdens, I obtained the success promised to opulent individuals, what a highlight to my accomplishment!
Once I acknowledged my feat, I noted that being persistent helped me throughout the discourse of my life. During primary school I scuffled through stacks of homework with my yellow instrument, and alienated myself from frivolous matters. Intermediate school was no different as I confined myself in the closest library. Once in High School I immediately dropped my valuable trait and catapulted to a state of failure. My first semester struck me with no surprise and released me into distress. Quickly, I directed myself towards my wooden bureau to refine myself as I once was. Although at times it serves as a burden, being persistent has become a viable trait.
Now as I continue through life, I iterate Calvin's words of predestination in sarcasm and humbly laugh to myself. Also the title was more than just an outline of a few qualities, it detailed the jurisdiction I have against most challenges. Not only that, but I also proved to myself that I may turn myself positive, contrary to my adversaries.
I was trying to explain how I don't step down from anything even when presented with heavy odds. I know it is a bit trite, but I think this really describes me as a person in general.
May one of you please correct my rough draft (or advise me in what to do)? Thank you for your help.
Prompt:
Beyond your impressive academic credentials and extracurricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful?
Also I am not quite sure if it really works with the prompt.
I glanced over my porch's overstep and saw a discarded copy of the Los Angeles Times, I would normally never bind myself to read such trivial trash, but its title sparked my interest. The headline smacked in size thirty-two font exclaimed "Measuring Your Future Success"; I beat myself up and grabbed the crumpled manuscript hoping to reinforce my ego. I continued to read the paper and was plunged into despair, since I was labeled a failure. It took into account my parent's education, their income, and my ethnicity, in a sense their prediction was understandable, but the pain it struck was not. As I moved through each word, I revamped myself as I continually failed to fit their predictions, ranging from my academic success to my future aspirations. I had accomplished a mistake, obtaining the title of an outlier, marking my individuality and persistence.
In a sense, the world was my antagonist as it engulfed me with a promise of failure. Fortunately, with every incorrect categorization, I pelted my colossal foe. As I disproved the last prediction I left my coup de grace. Such a formidable opponent fell to a small boy; I was David slaying Goliath! Though the feat was not lavished with golden accolades or pricey trophies, I obtained a rare title. I acclaimed the act with such high honor, since the participants were few and those who broke the predictions were even smaller.
Throughout the discourse of achieving the title, I was proud of being marked an individual through the process. Also achieving success against heavy odds lent me a sense of the world. Unlike many of my peers, I was not provided a Virgil to guide me through hell. I had to strive through every endeavor without the assistance of an instruction manual providing a set course for success. An unfortunate circumstance that I accepted with open arms, since it provided me with a sense of realism. Although I carried these unfortunate burdens, I obtained the success promised to opulent individuals, what a highlight to my accomplishment!
Once I acknowledged my feat, I noted that being persistent helped me throughout the discourse of my life. During primary school I scuffled through stacks of homework with my yellow instrument, and alienated myself from frivolous matters. Intermediate school was no different as I confined myself in the closest library. Once in High School I immediately dropped my valuable trait and catapulted to a state of failure. My first semester struck me with no surprise and released me into distress. Quickly, I directed myself towards my wooden bureau to refine myself as I once was. Although at times it serves as a burden, being persistent has become a viable trait.
Now as I continue through life, I iterate Calvin's words of predestination in sarcasm and humbly laugh to myself. Also the title was more than just an outline of a few qualities, it detailed the jurisdiction I have against most challenges. Not only that, but I also proved to myself that I may turn myself positive, contrary to my adversaries.
I was trying to explain how I don't step down from anything even when presented with heavy odds. I know it is a bit trite, but I think this really describes me as a person in general.
