Writing Feedback / "Talk is cheap"- "All mankind is divided into three classes" [8]

xphyllisx

Hello. My first time, so hope you don't mind.

I think it is fairly sufficient to say something like 'needs demand action, not words.'
You can extend the iron fist portion to be your opening line.
Or:
_______, my middle name, means "independent". An independence unforced, zealous, and unstoppable.

For the body:
Were you born in Nigeria?
If so, your main essay could easily be about moving from Nigeria to the Bronx.
Give some examples of people's strengths feeding into your restless soul- stories.
Give some examples of interest in media, etc. - stories.

Then the conclusion part could be your philosophy part modified.

That's all, hope it helps.