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Posts by catty121
Joined: Dec 27, 2011
Last Post: Jan 1, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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catty121   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / (Why NYU?) - City in a snow globe [6]

Thank you everyone, for your suggestions!
I plan to submit my paper later on today, your essays should be critiqued in another a hour or so, I have to finish the other questions to the application.
catty121   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The game of golf' - Common App [8]

Very well written! I do not see any grammatical mistakes.
I especially liked the last paragraph. :)

Just punctation:
During my time volunteering with the Wilmington Junior Golf Academy, golf has taken on a new meaning for me.
...teaching them life skills; such as integrity, respect, and discipline through the game of golf.
...Before, it was [just] a game,
catty121   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / (Why NYU?) - City in a snow globe [6]

Thanks SS, for critiquing my supplement essay.

Yup, it looks good to me, expect I would use: "I regretted knowing about Union so late in my senior year, but in the meantime * I am thankful for my chance of knowing about it [sooner/now].

If you need an explanation or more help please reply again~ :)
catty121   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / (Why NYU?) - City in a snow globe [6]

Just a brief response.
I wanted to do something different, tell me what you think :)
Please read and leave any comments (grammar, critique, style, worthiness, etc)
Thanks~!

Why NYU?
A young woman with aspirations of the city stares lovingly down at her New York City snow globe and adds it to her bin of collectables. In her bin reside three language books (Spanish, Italian and Korean) and a newly added NYC snow globe. That bin is my bin, where I can express myself and where I can keep my dreams close. A dream bin is what I call it. In my many years of collecting these items, I have always desired to attend NYU and study languages where I can meet others from different walks of life. Thus it has inspired me to apply here. Studying abroad and approaching a language head on is something that I have always wanted to do ever since my Aunt expressed to me how intriguing and fun it was. Since, NYU is known for challenging its students, I find this aspect of the university to be really captivating since most universities don't really require it or even have it. NYC has been my snow globe forever where I want it to be my classroom from where I learn from and my language books hopefully will be the key that allows me to accomplish my dreams with NYU as my bin, I hope I can turn my dreams into a reality.
catty121   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / "Today's Economy/Moving"- Education interrupted [NEW]

Hi, thanks for reading and stop by to view my essay.
I've written an essay explaining why I changed secondary schools (3 times).
I would like for anyone to edit and maybe add your input of what I should add or change. I'm afraid the essay is a little to familiar or informal.

In today's economy, the average family moves twice every few years. I am one of those families in that static. Due to my father's constant job switching, I had to switch schools more than twice.

The first school I attend was a private school near my house. Although, I liked the school, the tuition became too much for family and my father relocated to me to public school within the area. While my grades were maintained, my ambition began to falter a bit, many people around me were not as ambitious as my previous school and I didn't have many friends. I finished the year out, and within the next year my father's job moved to East Greenbush were I attended a public school within that area.

My grades dropped dramatically, going from an urban setting to a rural environment was definitely a culture shock for me. Even though I found caring teachers that were friendly and helpful, the student body was huge and overwhelming and something that I was not initially fond of.

My father found work once again in the city we were once in and I was re-enrolled in the previous public high school I once attended. My grades improved dramatically and I had the oppurnity to take classes that my other schools had not had available. At this school, I was able to learn academically, socially and culturally. I was able to learn prosper and become the person that I am today, prepared for future endeavors and changes.
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