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Posts by Snake
Joined: Dec 28, 2011
Last Post: Dec 28, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  

From: Singapore

Displayed posts: 4
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Snake   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'my brief nap abruptly comes to an end' - Yale supplemental essay [18]

I would suggest more elaboration on what you learned and less description of what happened. But then again I don't know the question, but would assume Yale would want to know more about you as a person- what you think.
Snake   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / Eat,Pray, Love- UVa supp [4]

I like how you described your progression from subconsciously shunning people of other faiths to understanding and acceptance. Although, it is possible that some people have never read EPL, so maybe you should insert one sentence briefly describing the book for their benefit.
Snake   
Dec 28, 2011
Scholarship / 'raised speaking english and spanish' Discuss the subjects in which you have excelled [3]

First sentence- take out your mother's hard work. You may be grateful towards her, but the school probably doesn't care. In fact, they will probably want people who excel on their own.

Just say that you are fluent in Spanish, instead of "you believe that you are fluent". Be confident! This is a subject in which you've excelled, remember?

"Most of the managers...while most of the employees..."

"Although that was not my job, I sure loved doing it"

Don't say pre-calc was extremely tough. Say you love a challenge, even in pre-calc, which many struggled with.

Ending was kind of flippant, I don't know.
Snake   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / I want to be a farmer- Cornell College of Agriculture and Life Sciences essay [3]

College of Agriculture and Life Sciences:
How have your interests and related experiences influenced your selection of major? (Max 500 words)

Before graduation, my classmates were discussing what they planned to do in future. Some wanted to be doctors, others engineers or pharmacists or researchers.

"So what do you want to do?" I was asked.

"Me? I want to study agriculture. I'm going to be a farmer."

Looks of incredulity ensued. Here in modern Singapore, farmers are almost as rare as unicorns- only about one percent of land area is used for agricultural purposes [1].

My interest in nature began at a very young age, when I would capture any insect unlucky enough to stumble into our apartment and study them for hours. When I was eight, my family moved to our current address, and there was a large plot of unused land just across the road. It was my first experience with wilderness. The grass was long and untamed, and my imagination filled it with all sorts of wonderful creatures from snakes to wild deer. From November to January in each year, little egrets would flock here and stalk about with their heads held high.

Now, the former grassland is filled with half a dozen buildings, and more are under construction.

No, I am not going to wax lyrical about the loss of nature and urban sprawl, because it is almost certainly inevitable. There is too little space for too many people, and so we chop down the trees. We mow the grass and stir the earth before planting skyscrapers.

I am grateful, however, for the happiness brought to me by that grassland in childhood, when I ran around looking for four-leaf clovers, terrifying moths and filling my pockets with fluffy pink flowers of mimosa. I am a born and bred city girl, but that grassy playground brought me to a different world.

And now, as someone taking my first steps into adulthood, I realize that I don't want to spend the rest of my life in an office cubicle. My childhood dream of living in a house with a backyard where I can grow my own plants has slowly morphed into an ambition for being a farmer.

I understand that being a farmer is not just about prancing in the fields and sleeping under the stars. It is hard work. However, most jobs are hard work. What matters is doing work that, despite being tiring, I can still enjoy.

In China, where I was born, few people want to be farmers. Those living in rural areas try their very best to leave their farms behind, entering the cities in search of low-wage jobs as factory workers. This is because being farmers pay even less. In today's world, where food consumption far exceeds food shortage, I believe that it is time for a new breed of farmers who understand science and technologies as well as they understand crops and animals. And where else to learn that than at Cornell, which literally "grew up on the farm", and has one of the best college in agriculture and life sciences in the world?

[1] Singapore Department of Statistics, Yearbook of Statistics Singapore, 2011. (2011). Agriculture, animal production and fisheries.

Please provide feedback! Especially on the ending, which I find kind of weak, if you have any ideas how to better bring in Cornell please help! Thanks a lot and good luck everyone :)
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