Undergraduate /
Columbia Supplement - "Why this Major" + "Meaningful Book" [8]
"few stick out in my mind more so than Markus Zusak's The Book Thief."
I cannot tell whether you punctuated the books title correctly so I will just remind you to do so. Also I may be wrong, but is there supposed to be a comma after the author's name?
"I have reopened it and read random passages to enjoy the plot, to think of the deeper story it tells, and to luxuriate in the richness of the language. I am haunted by this book."
This sentence is kind of awkward go over it a bit.
"What makes the book stimulating is not its feisty young heroine who has a Potterish appeal, nor its Vonnegut
whimsy to the caustic turns of fate, but its oddly relatable narrator- Death."
I do not like your intro to this sentence I think it could be better reworded. Just a thought. Also the word whimsy seems odd either in its current tense or in general idk I can not tell at this moment.
"Zusak's portrayal of Death, is not
the avenging angel who comes to rip Man away from his loved ones, but one who cares for the human soul; one who is heavy with the burdens of the job. As such his only respite is when he stops to notice the color of the sky, "In my line of work, I make it a point to notice them." he confides. "
the seems weird. try not one of an avenging angel or something like that.
"
In all but this , I am an aspiring researcher. "
Intro is kind of awkward. I would try rewording this.
"The mystery of
(the) brain and the magnitude of its capabilities never cease to amaze me, such as
(the) human memory."
"How am I able to remember complex song lyrics and megabytes of basketball statistics while struggling to remember math formulas?"
I am not a huge fan of this question because you seem to go from talking in one perspective to asking yourself a question. Maybe you can not say how am I and instead how is one.. or something like that. Also instead of while struggling you can say but yet forget common math formulas..:/ idk maybe.
"These and many more questions I hope to have answered through studying Neuroscience."
This sentence awkwardly worded. Try go over it again.
"I used to wonder which would be the greater mastery and
(which one would allow me to better serve the world) how I could better serve the world:
as a researcher or a physician? I have slowly come to realize that the best answer to that question is simply that the question is irrelevant as the two are so inextricably intertwined that neither exists meaningfully alone.
Your essays are wonderful! You are a good writer. I do, however, suggest thaqt you reread each essay as a whole and make sure you stay in one tense/perspective. Also make sure some of the sentences make sense to the reader. Other than that they are very unique and sophisticated.