Posts by RubyRed

RubyRed

Jan 1, 2012

Undergraduate / 'The Magic in Psychology' - Stanford Intellectual Vitality [7]

As a child, I ~~have~~had (you're not still a child, are you?) always been fascinated by magic tricks. Whenever I ~~watch~~witnessed a magician perform, his tricks ~~leave~~left~~an imprint that remains in my mind for hours~~ imprints on my mind that refused to fade for hours at a time. How did he make that card disappear? Where did that second coin appear from? Questions like these ~~questions~~ never ceased to plague me after leaving a magic show.

^^ your tenses were very irregular in that paragraph. I changed a bit of the sentnce structure too. hope that helps :))

i really loved your idea though. And i've watched that video! frikkin' blew my mind into a million-and-one pieces :D

good luck :)

RubyRed

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / 'I am a library' - rough draft of Common App [5]

No problem :))
yes, it really REALLY helped.
sometimes sentence structure is just lost on me. you helped a lot with that.

oh, and UWC is 'special' because it has 13 colleges around the world, and when you apply, it is the selection committee that decides which college you go to.

so it has a really multi-cultural population.

thanks a lot :D
i hope everything works out for you!

RubyRed

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / 'I am a library' - rough draft of Common App [5]

i actually think that that was an amazing idea. Comparing yourself to a library, i mean.

i get that you're trying to show that you're composed of many sections, and can entertain people with the most random of topics. And that it doesnt matter to you who comes to talk with you. just like a library.

however, i think that you should add a few more similarities between yourself and the library? maybe something about how its a place of solace, a place where someone can get lost between the tomes of information, and relate that to yourslef (IF you offer solace to people). Or maybe how a library seems formidable before you approach it, but then it becomes a place of comfort where you can spend hours. again: relate that to yourself (again: OF it applies to you).

also, change 'black' in "the mixture of black, Chinese, Greek, Swedish, Danish, and Icelandic" to African, or the specific type of black that you are. because you've given nationalities for the rest, but a color for this.

also, you were probably going to do this yourslef, but if you werent, put the "Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these!" in quotation marks or italicize them.

good job though :)

RubyRed

Dec 31, 2011

Undergraduate / Asked what I want to accomplish in life, my answer has unchangingly remained "to help those in pain" [2]

Write a Personal Statement letting the selection committee know more about you. It should include your goals, motivations, ambitions and why you feel that you would be a good fit at a UWC. 500 words.

Ever since the first time I was asked what I wanted to accomplish in life, my answer has unchangingly remained "to help those in pain". To a six year old me, it involved being a doctor and handing out lollipops and stickers to aggravated children. At nine, I was convinced that I could assist in finding the cure to cancer. By the time I was a teenager, the difficulties faced by Pakistanis became glaringly obvious and I made it my goal to remove the misery from the faces of those I saw on the news.

Though I have a long way to go before I make a significant change, I believe that admission in a UWC college will help me get there. My confident, friendly and out-spoken nature will allow me to mingle with people and portray my views of ongoing global problems to them, taking their opinions into account and then coming up with creative solutions and ideas that may one day be implemented.

My determination and drive to excel (high academic performance?) will aid me in completing the IB program with exemplary (great?) scores and enabling me to pursue a career in medicine. Using my acquired skills, I plan to fulfill my dreams of reducing grief and sorrow; prolonging lives and promoting health by researching prevention and treatment of diseases in Pakistan, and possibly the world.

My eagerness to give back to the society will make me a worthy addition to a UWC college, along with my enthusiasm for community service and charity work. I will uphold the principles UWC was founded upon and contribute as much as I can into creating a sustainable future.

I am devoted to my country and religion, and my resolve to show individuals that not all Muslims and Pakistanis are how they are perceived to be, will be brought into play as I interact with students and staff from around the world, who will see in me the majority of Pakistanis and Muslims whom (which? that? who?) are neither terrorists, nor corrupt. I plan to make them understand that it is the few black sheep of the community who have gone astray and created negative stereotypes of my people. I will work to the best of my abilities at a UWC college so when as I represent the Pakistanis and Muslims to my foreign peers, I will make my country and religion proud. Of course, not only will I be changing the perceptions of people at UWC, but I will also be learning from them, increasing my knowledge, and clearing my own misconceptions.

At a multi-cultural school, we will be able to talk about our differences. We will be given the opportunity to settle our disagreements, and it will teach us how it is words that can bring peace and comradeship between cultures. War will not solve our problems, and neither will ill-concealed hatred. I want to be able to take part in speaking these words at a UWC: words that will bring together people of different races, and ultimately 'help those in pain'.

----
thank you!
the parts in brackets are substitutions of phrases i'm uncertain about.
please tell me what you think!