ags012
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / Yale supp. essay- "'A woman's perfume tells more about her than her handwriting'" [10]
I think the transition into your last paragraph is fine. However, you may want to work on a transition into your third paragraph. Also in general, you may not want to use contractions in formal writing (like I'd instead of I would). There are a bunch of quotes in your essay, so maybe tone down other people's words and say them in your own way yourself. As your perfume preference change, did you change? It might be intriguing to talk about. Overall, this is an extremely interesting topic, and it was a good read (:
I think the transition into your last paragraph is fine. However, you may want to work on a transition into your third paragraph. Also in general, you may not want to use contractions in formal writing (like I'd instead of I would). There are a bunch of quotes in your essay, so maybe tone down other people's words and say them in your own way yourself. As your perfume preference change, did you change? It might be intriguing to talk about. Overall, this is an extremely interesting topic, and it was a good read (: