russiaEK
Jan 2, 2012
Undergraduate / Lunchtime at the Angora: Boston University Supplement Essay [4]
Its very well written! even made me laugh
I dont think you need to make any changes to it. You haven't said a lot about yourself but the way you've written it shows you are witty, outgoing and well easy to get a long with!
If yyou want to cut out anything, you could take out "As a cyclist nearly collides with an elderly woman in the intersection, I respond," and continue without introducing what you're going to say with a "I respond", whoevers reading it is gona get it.
Also "staring through the window behind him and into the busy street" you forgot the "the".
Good job!
Its very well written! even made me laugh
I dont think you need to make any changes to it. You haven't said a lot about yourself but the way you've written it shows you are witty, outgoing and well easy to get a long with!
If yyou want to cut out anything, you could take out "As a cyclist nearly collides with an elderly woman in the intersection, I respond," and continue without introducing what you're going to say with a "I respond", whoevers reading it is gona get it.
Also "staring through the window behind him and into the busy street" you forgot the "the".
Good job!
