LoveYoung
Jan 5, 2012
Writing Feedback / Toefl - Schools are not the only places to receive true education. [4]
Hi!
I'm a beginner in English.
I need to your feedback about my essay.
Please help me.
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These days, there is an ongoing debate over whether schools are the only places to receive true education. Some people might agree that true education is possible in only schools. As for me, however, I would like to insist that students can receive true education in other places for two reasons: real experience and practice.
First and foremost, real experience can be a teacher for true education. The reason is that real experience reduces the gap of between theory and reality. For instance, when students go to a museum, they can actually see artist's works, ancient remains, and historical marks. Naturally, the students can learn real knowledge through these experiences. Moreover, students can learn characteristics of animals in a zoo. They can observe animals' detailed features and touch their body. Through this experience, the students can receive real education. Therefore, a variety of experiences related to education give students real education.
In addition, practicing knowledge brings about real education. Generally, people can feel and realize something by practicing knowing. This is because there are feedbacks in this practice. For instance, my major is a business. My professor wanted us to know ways to selling. Thus, we planned to sell apples in the street. At first, we did not sell any apples and use any strategies. However, after five hours, we were able to sell all apples. For attracting customers, some of us sang songs, and a few advertised our apples to people. Furthermore, we used discount strategy to allure consumer's concern. As a result, practice activities make us to learn many things and to apply our knowledge in real field. Accordingly, real education is possible outside of the schools.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that schools are not the only places to receive true education for the following reasons. Firstly, various experiences make students to receive true education. Secondly, practicing knowledge allows students to learn true understanding
Hi!
I'm a beginner in English.
I need to your feedback about my essay.
Please help me.
---------------
These days, there is an ongoing debate over whether schools are the only places to receive true education. Some people might agree that true education is possible in only schools. As for me, however, I would like to insist that students can receive true education in other places for two reasons: real experience and practice.
First and foremost, real experience can be a teacher for true education. The reason is that real experience reduces the gap of between theory and reality. For instance, when students go to a museum, they can actually see artist's works, ancient remains, and historical marks. Naturally, the students can learn real knowledge through these experiences. Moreover, students can learn characteristics of animals in a zoo. They can observe animals' detailed features and touch their body. Through this experience, the students can receive real education. Therefore, a variety of experiences related to education give students real education.
In addition, practicing knowledge brings about real education. Generally, people can feel and realize something by practicing knowing. This is because there are feedbacks in this practice. For instance, my major is a business. My professor wanted us to know ways to selling. Thus, we planned to sell apples in the street. At first, we did not sell any apples and use any strategies. However, after five hours, we were able to sell all apples. For attracting customers, some of us sang songs, and a few advertised our apples to people. Furthermore, we used discount strategy to allure consumer's concern. As a result, practice activities make us to learn many things and to apply our knowledge in real field. Accordingly, real education is possible outside of the schools.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that schools are not the only places to receive true education for the following reasons. Firstly, various experiences make students to receive true education. Secondly, practicing knowledge allows students to learn true understanding
