Writing Feedback / Science and my previous teachers [2]

- Which of your current or previous teachers do you admire most, and why?
I need to rewrite and some advice for this essay. If you can, please correct my errors.
There was a person who saw my talent the first, encouraged and helped me to pursue the way. Mr. Kim, who was my high school science teacher, is the person that I admire most. He explained science as easy methods while he was teaching in the class. He encouraged students to solve problems even though they couldn't solve it at once. For instance, there was a student who was afraid of solving problems and gives it up easily. However, he tried to explain repeatedly and made her to solve problems. It didn't matter the problem was hard or easy because he did his best while he was teaching students. Moreover, science is hard subject; so many students might not be interested in. I and my classmate who were in his class enjoyed science. He had strong power to attract to teach students so that students rarely were bored and could make class fun. After class, when I came to him for helping and advising about science, he was willing to help me friendly and mentioned that I was good at science. As he always helped me, I was more excited about science, and I wanted to learn about science deeply. I am impressed by him so that I am not giving anything up easily. Also, he found my interest which I wanted to learn and study more about science. He is the great teacher, and I still can't forget and am grateful to him.

Undergraduate / 'I have a lot of interesting and unique things' - unique about me [2]

Here is my essay so far:
- Describe five unique or interesting things about yourself.

I am a person who has a lot of interesting and unique things so that I believe that my life looks dynamic. The first interesting thing about me is that I was born on Christmas. Many people have remembered my birthday, so my family, relatives and friends celebrate my birthday with three or four birthday cake. The second interesting thing is that I can play various sports such as ice skating, ping pong, tennis and so on. For instance, I was my city's representative player when I was young. I won the first prize many times, so I have a lot of gold medals. Thirdly, I played cello for five years. When I learned cello only one month, I participated in the school orchestra. Even though I was not perfect, I enjoyed orchestra and gained confidence. After that, I participated in a cello competition, and I won the first prize. I came to realized that I am a person who has great courage in front of many people. Fourthly, I have many friends who are foreigner such as Turkish, Brazilian and Mongolian. I am friendly and not shy of strangers. While I attend college, I learned other cultures and languages from them. I consider that relationship among people is very important for learning and living my life.

I also want to add other thing about helping other people
My parents help others. For instance, my father gives free medical services in church for people who can't afford to pay for their health insurance. My mother helps the children who are foreign by compassion as a sponsor, so my parents send them money and card. For this reason, I am accostomed to helping children and people.