Undergraduate / 'Astronaut. Award-winning actress. Professional dancer. Successful politician' Loyola [4]

STATEMENT 1: At a recent Commencement Mass, LMU's past President, Fr. Robert Lawton, S.J. said, ''So what is the answer to this deep insecurity we all feel? The answer, I think, is to embrace the adventure of becoming deeply, and fully, ourselves. This is what God is really calling us to. It seems like the riskiest of all journeys, this journey to be oneself. But it's ultimately the journey that leads us to happiness, that leads us into God's dreams for us.''

QUESTION 1: Why do you think Fr. Lawton says the "journey to be oneself" seems the riskiest of all journeys? What risks lie ahead as you embark on your college career, and the "adventure" of discovering and becoming yourself?

Astronaut. Award-winning actress. Professional dancer. Successful politician, adored by her country. Throughout elementary, middle and high school, these have been just a few of my answers to the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Those are the places my mind has always instinctively jumped to when I think about my future. Those bright, flashy, careers offer more than wealth. They are journeys that seem to promise a lifetime of success, an abundant supply of loving friends, and most importantly, happiness. Growing up, I always knew my journey would take me to a place that plastered my name on billboards and broadcasted my face on the television. I felt God had always intended me to be someone who makes headlines. But never, when I would lie awake at night, thinking about being a famous astronaut, did stop and ask myself, "Are you even interested in space?" I realize now, that the main reason I was attracted to being famous was simply that it set me apart. All through school, we are told that we are special, unique. But still we feel the desire to prove our individuality by imagining scenarios that let us stand out from the pack. It turns out, there's a word for that.

A few months ago, in psychology class, the teacher introduced to us the concept of personal fable. It's the highly common belief adolescents and teens hold that all of our experiences and feelings are unique; no one has ever felt emotions or faced challenges like we have. The irony is, every other teenager in the world has the same social obstacles, and has the same dream of fame and fortune. Upon realizing this, I remember feeling something a bit like despair. There is nothing more crushing than realizing you are just like everyone else. This allowed me see the source of my own anxiety, my own part in, according to Fr. Lawton, "this deep insecurity we all feel." Because, while of course I've never wanted to be isolated, there will always be a part of me that desires to be distinctive.

It's a fine line that teenagers waver upon. The desire to fit in and to avoid rejection often conflicts with our personal dream of greatness. Fr. Lawton's quote, encouraging the acceptance of one's true self, strikes particularly close to home for me. While I've always wanted to achieve glory, I sometimes let the risks of a situation override the ultimate benefit of the experience. This great internal dilemma was one I struggled with all through high school. Though I've never been particularly athletic, in sports I saw the key to popularity, and most importantly, the reverence of my peers. I ran track in middle school but somehow the race always seemed to be a competition between me and someone else for second to last. So in high school, when the time came to try out for the team, I held back. I cheered on my friends at races, but could never convince myself to participate. I watched the summer Olympics, and imagined myself as a record-breaking sprinter, but instead stuck to theatre, where I truly found a home. Had I summoned to courage to try out, and chased my personal fable, I may not have made history, but possibly discovered a different journey to myself.

Fr. Lawton believes the journey to finding oneself can be the "riskiest of all journeys", and I agree. Because there are so many possibilities, so many paths to take, it can be overwhelming. What if, at the end of all the decisions and experiences that have made me myself, I look inside and don't like what I see? I know there is a middle ground between being terrified of standing out and pursing stardom. It is there, between the two extremes that I look to find my true, authentic self. I cannot wait to see what adventures God has in store for me. What mistakes will I make, what lessons will I learn. To some extent, I don't mind living a personal fable, in the sense that I still believe I am special, and that only I can choose where my journey takes me.

I think I need to work on my organization, help would be appreciated! :)