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Posts by lorichungg
Joined: Jan 16, 2012
Last Post: Jan 16, 2012
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From: United States of America

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lorichungg   
Jan 16, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'factors to get happy and importance of happiness' IELTS Essay [2]

Some may clearly say that anyone can succeed in his like without happiness. On the other hand, there is no exaggeration that even though of a lot of money, fame or property a person has, he will never be able to refer to himself as who is about to take a step onto successful timeline unless he tend to pursue happiness.

The others would probably want to recognize what factor they can achieve. Most commonly, two significant components are necessitated in fairly better life. First of all, we should take care of family or our relatives(in case of the non-family belonged). Undoubtedly, they belong to us and have a great capability of making life abundant. Second is, living once is controlled by one who does, which we should keep in our mind, must go through enjoying itself. No one seems to ruing his life.

I think here, ^ you shouldn't use "one" and "his" at the same time. You should stick to one instead of using both. Like for example the last sentence. Other than that, I think everything else is fine. Can you help me with mine too? Thanks.
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