Graduate / 'my managerial, functional and analytical skills' - SOP for MS. [NEW]

To Moderators,
I have come to know about this website just a day before and you people are doing great job this website is really very helpful. I need your suggestions on my SOP and I would be really obliged if you could help me better it within the word limit of 490 words. I have drafted SOP for MS in US and the course I am looking forward to is Engineering Management / Industrial engineering. The Sop is given bellow.

Thank You.
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My proclivity for program germinated during the early years of undergraduate studies when I had a tryst with subjects like production engineering and Industrial management. In future I envisage myself as a qualified Engineering Manager capable enough to manage and supervise a huge team of engineers. The following paragraphs encompass my career journey to date.

My unappealing grades in 12th grade proved to be an impetus to make me work harder and strengthen my engineering basics while I had to pursue Diploma in Mechanical engineering before getting into the bachelor's course. I was involved in a group project namely "xyz xyz-xyz" that aimed at saving energy using maximum possible natural resources. It was a great learning experience.

Post diploma, my good grades earned me a place at xyz xyz xyz xyz xyz for my undergraduate degree in Mechanical Engineering. During which, at the end of 4th semester, I underwent in-plant training at xyz xyz Ltd., one of the leading manufacturers of xyz in India. Here I received cognizance of batch processing and automation on the production line. Later in 6th semester, I completed in-plant training at xyz xyz xyz xyz Ltd. where I was exposed to a thermal power plant having capacity of 645 MW. This helped me gain a valuable experience in the Industry and provided a deep insight into group technology, cellular manufacturing and Manufacturing Resource Planning.

In the final semester, I presented a seminar on xyz xyz xyz used in IC Engines. I also created a "xyz xyz" to prepare spherical jobs on the conventional xyz machine. The main features were Simple design, Ease of operation and least initial investment. The project was appreciated for its unique design and helped me obtain a sublime score.

After graduation, I worked at xyz xyz xyz Ltd. as a Trainee Engineer in Maintenance Department but soon I realized that being a mechanical engineer working in a textile industry is not a good ideal for my career prospectus. Thus, I decided to resign from there and join xyz xyz college of Engineering and Technology as a lecturer. It kept me updated with the field of my interest and at the same time provided me ample time to prepare for the tests. During the tenure of over a year in the college, I used to teach Elements of Mechanical Engineering in 1st and 2nd semester and conduct labs. I also conducted lectures for subjects like Industrial Engineering, Product Design and Value Engineering which I thoroughly enjoyed. In fact my class achieved 100% result in the subject "Industrial Engineering" for which I was lauded by the management.

An MS degree in program will enhance my managerial, functional and analytical skills, enabling me to realize my career goal. Having navigated the University's website, I am allured by the course design, credentials of the faculties and the facilities offered to students.

I believe that my educational background and work experiences make me a strong candidate for this program.

I need suggestions specially on first sentence of 2nd & 5th paragraph
Thank You!