r00524025
Jan 29, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'learn to develop good characteristics in ourselves' - TOEFL [9]
Some suggestions for TOFEL wirting.
1. Keep your sentence long instead of separate them into two.
For example I'll modify your first sentence to "In order o get a good education as well as a successful job, we all study and do our best in school"
2. Give further explanation or more specific example in your second and third paragraph.
Two sentence for one paragraph is not enough.
3. TOFEL independent wirting require 300+ words and it's better to have about 350 words or more.
Yours is only 258 and it's apparently not enough.
Try to develop your main paragraph more.
I'm not native speaker so don't take it too seriously. ^_<
Some suggestions for TOFEL wirting.
1. Keep your sentence long instead of separate them into two.
For example I'll modify your first sentence to "In order o get a good education as well as a successful job, we all study and do our best in school"
2. Give further explanation or more specific example in your second and third paragraph.
Two sentence for one paragraph is not enough.
3. TOFEL independent wirting require 300+ words and it's better to have about 350 words or more.
Yours is only 258 and it's apparently not enough.
Try to develop your main paragraph more.
I'm not native speaker so don't take it too seriously. ^_<