the_lie
Jan 15, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App - Significant experience (Living in another country) [4]
Thanks. Anything else I should revise? Any other suggestions?
Thanks. Anything else I should revise? Any other suggestions?
the_lie
Jan 15, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App - Significant experience (Living in another country) [4]
Hello, this is an essay for the common application where I describe my experiences in another country and my return to the US. Feel free to help me correct it with constructive criticism. Thanks in advance.
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
If Nicaragua were to be molded into any of the fifty states, it would most closely fit into the state of New York. As far as comparisons go, that is as much as these two places have in common. Nicaragua is drastically different to New York. Nicaragua is located in an isthmus in Central America; it has a tropical climate year-round and only has two "seasons": wet and dry. New York has well-defined and unforgiving seasons with which one must keep up or else face the consequence of underestimating them. The Nicaraguan dry and wet seasons, in contrast, are generally forgiving and do not have much variety besides the occasional rain during the wet season. Last but not least, New York is a powerhouse of the US economy; Nicaragua is a small and simple country that yearns for greater goods and has a very special place in my memory.
Upon moving there, the Nicaragua of the time was a country recovering from the revolutionary turmoil that occurred during the eighties decades and as such, I experienced a country that was struggling to recovering and moving forward in its political and economic facets. However, the situation did not deter me from appreciating the experiences I lived and the memories are not tainted with resentment from the struggle. Nicaragua has remained for me a symbol of constancy. Every time I visit it, the same green canopies and unending chains of mountains greet me for my stay, and remind me of the fondest memories of when I lived there. I moved from Miami, Florida when I was six years old. Immersion was not a problem; my parents were Nicaraguan and they had taught me Spanish already. I was enrolled in a bilingual school. There, I experienced wonderful memories and met interesting people from all parts of the world. Firstly, I remember my first grade teacher was Finnish and I also remember when she made us memorize a traditional folk song for us to present and sing for an audience; the tune I currently cannot remember, but the overall impression of this memory remains with me as a dearly recollection of my early childhood. Secondly, I met remarkable individuals from different places of the world with whom I became great friends and whom to this day I still keep in touch since elementary. Now all these memories of childhood friends, teachers, places... they have all nearly vanished with the passing of time and yet whenever I return to visit, the backdrop to all that was my past remains the same.
Seventh grade meant to me change. Seventh grade was the time I returned to the United States; it was the time I experienced progress. The United States embodies change and progress. At the time this progress--this change-- was something I feared when I was so used to constancy. I wanted to hold to the constancy that Nicaragua gave me. I wanted to hold on to those familiar faces and school. As human nature presumes, I grew accustomed to this new progress; I began to appreciate it; I began to embody it was a way of life. What saddened my nostalgic self as I recently revisited Nicaragua was that I realized that Nicaragua yearned for this progress. I noticed its mobilization to achieve this progress and that constancy that reassured me of the bliss of my memories was vanishing. The thought that I would always have a haven of my past memories was childish at the time and realized Nicaragua will not stay the same; progress is a necessary component of everything. Still, the inner child in me finds comfort in memories and delights whenever I encounter mementos of the pasts.
Hello, this is an essay for the common application where I describe my experiences in another country and my return to the US. Feel free to help me correct it with constructive criticism. Thanks in advance.
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
If Nicaragua were to be molded into any of the fifty states, it would most closely fit into the state of New York. As far as comparisons go, that is as much as these two places have in common. Nicaragua is drastically different to New York. Nicaragua is located in an isthmus in Central America; it has a tropical climate year-round and only has two "seasons": wet and dry. New York has well-defined and unforgiving seasons with which one must keep up or else face the consequence of underestimating them. The Nicaraguan dry and wet seasons, in contrast, are generally forgiving and do not have much variety besides the occasional rain during the wet season. Last but not least, New York is a powerhouse of the US economy; Nicaragua is a small and simple country that yearns for greater goods and has a very special place in my memory.
Upon moving there, the Nicaragua of the time was a country recovering from the revolutionary turmoil that occurred during the eighties decades and as such, I experienced a country that was struggling to recovering and moving forward in its political and economic facets. However, the situation did not deter me from appreciating the experiences I lived and the memories are not tainted with resentment from the struggle. Nicaragua has remained for me a symbol of constancy. Every time I visit it, the same green canopies and unending chains of mountains greet me for my stay, and remind me of the fondest memories of when I lived there. I moved from Miami, Florida when I was six years old. Immersion was not a problem; my parents were Nicaraguan and they had taught me Spanish already. I was enrolled in a bilingual school. There, I experienced wonderful memories and met interesting people from all parts of the world. Firstly, I remember my first grade teacher was Finnish and I also remember when she made us memorize a traditional folk song for us to present and sing for an audience; the tune I currently cannot remember, but the overall impression of this memory remains with me as a dearly recollection of my early childhood. Secondly, I met remarkable individuals from different places of the world with whom I became great friends and whom to this day I still keep in touch since elementary. Now all these memories of childhood friends, teachers, places... they have all nearly vanished with the passing of time and yet whenever I return to visit, the backdrop to all that was my past remains the same.
Seventh grade meant to me change. Seventh grade was the time I returned to the United States; it was the time I experienced progress. The United States embodies change and progress. At the time this progress--this change-- was something I feared when I was so used to constancy. I wanted to hold to the constancy that Nicaragua gave me. I wanted to hold on to those familiar faces and school. As human nature presumes, I grew accustomed to this new progress; I began to appreciate it; I began to embody it was a way of life. What saddened my nostalgic self as I recently revisited Nicaragua was that I realized that Nicaragua yearned for this progress. I noticed its mobilization to achieve this progress and that constancy that reassured me of the bliss of my memories was vanishing. The thought that I would always have a haven of my past memories was childish at the time and realized Nicaragua will not stay the same; progress is a necessary component of everything. Still, the inner child in me finds comfort in memories and delights whenever I encounter mementos of the pasts.
the_lie
Jan 15, 2009
Undergraduate / UT austin, Ms. Sapna Bhargava. [3]
I'd say remove the Throughout life, we encounter many different people, however, only a certain few have the ability to make an impact that lasts a lifetime. since it is a cliche opening sentence. But other than that, you include specific anecdotes to reinforce your arguments so, awesome :D
I'd say remove the Throughout life, we encounter many different people, however, only a certain few have the ability to make an impact that lasts a lifetime. since it is a cliche opening sentence. But other than that, you include specific anecdotes to reinforce your arguments so, awesome :D
the_lie
Jan 13, 2009
Undergraduate / The two required essays for UT, need critique [9]
Thank you all for your suggestions!
You have a point that it seems better for me to condemn consumerism and its benefit to our overall economy, although I was trying to criticize the obsession with worldly possessions that we see nowadays in people, especially with the increasing technology. Thanks for the suggestions.
Thank you all for your suggestions!
You have a point that it seems better for me to condemn consumerism and its benefit to our overall economy, although I was trying to criticize the obsession with worldly possessions that we see nowadays in people, especially with the increasing technology. Thanks for the suggestions.
the_lie
Jan 12, 2009
Undergraduate / The two required essays for UT, need critique [9]
Hello, I include the two required essays for UT. I need critique and feedback on both these essays. Thanks in advance.
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
All kinds of people come and go in life. Many simply remind us of those little events that still linger in the back of our minds that make us smile. Others leave a lasting impression in us that change us and will last a lifetime. The first and only person that comes into my mind while thinking of someone like that is my grandfather. Wise and inspiring and at the same time stubborn and persistent: these words summarize my grandfather partially. I confess that we have had our confrontations and conflicts a few times, but they are trifling incidents that do not prevent me from thinking of him as someone who I highly value and respect. If anything, he is the one who has taught me many valuable lessons in life that still affect my day to day decisions.
My grandfather has told me stories of his youth when he had an insatiable thirst for knowledge, quenched by the consumption of books. The vast knowledge and wisdom he had astounded me. Whenever I or someone else inquired him about any historical events, he would immediately start a lecture over the topic which he would drag on with excessive details. If you ever disagreed about something he claimed to be true, he would persist and refute your opinion. After being in the frequent presence of his persistence, I contracted it. Now whenever I am confronted with a task with no initial success, I battle until I end up succeeding at the task at hand. While debugging source codes written for computer programs, I scrutinized lines of code to find the culprit of the error when often times fixing one caused another one; but I would never give up until every error was eliminated. Among other things, one must learn when to persist when an obstacle prevents you from succeeding. From experience, life taught me that one requires a moderate amount of persistence to obtain what you want and to maneuver through hardships one encounters.
My intrigue for knowledge stems from my grandfather's own motivation to learn about a variety of topics. His influence has instilled in me the curiosity and interest of science and history. His words would fill with expressions of passion with his discourse about his favorite astronomical curiosities. His inspirational explanations of the formation of planets, or theories of life outside earth has fomented a passion for knowledge. Just like his wonder over the unknown possibilities of the universe, I wonder about the mysteries that the universe keeps well hidden from us. The universe as it is will reveal its secrets gradually.
There were times when relatives complained about my grandfather's persistence, but I suppose he could not help it. At times he would indeed go too far with his persisting nature and I learned the negative aspect of extreme persistence and learned not to take it very far. Sometimes we must admit when we are wrong and learn to accept it or we push others away. No matter how dearly we consider someone, they will always have their defects just as we have our own and we must learn to live with this fact. One thing is for certain, I always look up to my grandfather as he has changed so many of the views I had about the world.
============================================================ ================================ ============================
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
As you turn the TV on, notice how rampant are the commercials that constantly promote these same new "revolutionary" products. These products invariably end up attracting consumers who mindlessly spend on them. Our society revolves around this mindlessness which is the basis of our economy. We must set limits somewhere in how far this mindset affects our values and beliefs. Materialism has been the insatiable obsession of consumer society. Instead of focusing on buying the latest gadget or technology, individuals should place more importance on worthy causes such as personal improvement and community involvement. Unfortunately, that is not the majority of the case and instead, our society is constantly driven and controlled by this cyclic desire to obtain material belongings.
People no longer require the money at hand to purchase luxurious possessions; instead they can obtain a loan to satisfy their instant gratification. Impulsive buyers have the means to purchase more without having to wait. Now the repercussions are seen today as the result of this compulsive buying has caused a recession in our economy as buyers are having trouble repaying loans or considering that a worker died while opening a door during this year's Black Friday sale due to the impulsive need for buyers to purchase products marked off by just a dollar. These extreme cases exemplify materialism's power to hypnotize the masses. A human life was sacrificed due to the compulsive and careless attributes of impulsive buyers. The far-reaching effect of materialism should make us ponder over our unnecessary concern to purchase for convenience and not for necessity.
Materialism is a strong force that attracts us all. Ordinary people like you and I are the likeliest victims of the enchanting spell of materialism. Countless times this has happened as I sift through magazines and I catch a glimpse of an expensive guitar or some nifty gadget that would be nice to have. The best part is when I take a look at my wallet to find out that I do not have enough money to buy it. So I begin to remind and say to myself that I do not need that: it is convenient and not necessary when money can be better spent elsewhere.
One thing most people do not think about is that how often they place the value of their possessions over the true essence of a person. Possessions are now an individual's label without any consideration of their personality. The brand names of their clothing or the maker of their car matters more than what the individual has to offer. Society has become impersonal as people are categorized according to what they wear or what they drive. The message carried on by all this is that having wealth and luxurious possessions will bring you happiness. This message is constantly reinforced to the masses through commercials and celebrities that display happiness and success. On the surface it may seem that these celebrities have these qualities, but then you take notice of all the magazines those with headers in large letters announcing a celebrity's "secret pictures", countless divorces, suicide, downfall and any other endless negative outcomes. Then one wonders if having fame, wealth and the luxurious possessions is worth the misery. Materialism has created a shallow society and what people get from these celebrity stories are entertainment and satisfaction from someone else's downfall.
The loss of self-identity in our society caused by materialism is an inevitable fact of consumerist society where the pursuit of instant gratification and possessive pleasures allures human nature. Advertisers take advantage of this weakness in human nature and so one must be careful to evaluate priorities to never get carried away by the hypnotizing force of materialism.
Hello, I include the two required essays for UT. I need critique and feedback on both these essays. Thanks in advance.
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
All kinds of people come and go in life. Many simply remind us of those little events that still linger in the back of our minds that make us smile. Others leave a lasting impression in us that change us and will last a lifetime. The first and only person that comes into my mind while thinking of someone like that is my grandfather. Wise and inspiring and at the same time stubborn and persistent: these words summarize my grandfather partially. I confess that we have had our confrontations and conflicts a few times, but they are trifling incidents that do not prevent me from thinking of him as someone who I highly value and respect. If anything, he is the one who has taught me many valuable lessons in life that still affect my day to day decisions.
My grandfather has told me stories of his youth when he had an insatiable thirst for knowledge, quenched by the consumption of books. The vast knowledge and wisdom he had astounded me. Whenever I or someone else inquired him about any historical events, he would immediately start a lecture over the topic which he would drag on with excessive details. If you ever disagreed about something he claimed to be true, he would persist and refute your opinion. After being in the frequent presence of his persistence, I contracted it. Now whenever I am confronted with a task with no initial success, I battle until I end up succeeding at the task at hand. While debugging source codes written for computer programs, I scrutinized lines of code to find the culprit of the error when often times fixing one caused another one; but I would never give up until every error was eliminated. Among other things, one must learn when to persist when an obstacle prevents you from succeeding. From experience, life taught me that one requires a moderate amount of persistence to obtain what you want and to maneuver through hardships one encounters.
My intrigue for knowledge stems from my grandfather's own motivation to learn about a variety of topics. His influence has instilled in me the curiosity and interest of science and history. His words would fill with expressions of passion with his discourse about his favorite astronomical curiosities. His inspirational explanations of the formation of planets, or theories of life outside earth has fomented a passion for knowledge. Just like his wonder over the unknown possibilities of the universe, I wonder about the mysteries that the universe keeps well hidden from us. The universe as it is will reveal its secrets gradually.
There were times when relatives complained about my grandfather's persistence, but I suppose he could not help it. At times he would indeed go too far with his persisting nature and I learned the negative aspect of extreme persistence and learned not to take it very far. Sometimes we must admit when we are wrong and learn to accept it or we push others away. No matter how dearly we consider someone, they will always have their defects just as we have our own and we must learn to live with this fact. One thing is for certain, I always look up to my grandfather as he has changed so many of the views I had about the world.
============================================================ ================================ ============================
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
As you turn the TV on, notice how rampant are the commercials that constantly promote these same new "revolutionary" products. These products invariably end up attracting consumers who mindlessly spend on them. Our society revolves around this mindlessness which is the basis of our economy. We must set limits somewhere in how far this mindset affects our values and beliefs. Materialism has been the insatiable obsession of consumer society. Instead of focusing on buying the latest gadget or technology, individuals should place more importance on worthy causes such as personal improvement and community involvement. Unfortunately, that is not the majority of the case and instead, our society is constantly driven and controlled by this cyclic desire to obtain material belongings.
People no longer require the money at hand to purchase luxurious possessions; instead they can obtain a loan to satisfy their instant gratification. Impulsive buyers have the means to purchase more without having to wait. Now the repercussions are seen today as the result of this compulsive buying has caused a recession in our economy as buyers are having trouble repaying loans or considering that a worker died while opening a door during this year's Black Friday sale due to the impulsive need for buyers to purchase products marked off by just a dollar. These extreme cases exemplify materialism's power to hypnotize the masses. A human life was sacrificed due to the compulsive and careless attributes of impulsive buyers. The far-reaching effect of materialism should make us ponder over our unnecessary concern to purchase for convenience and not for necessity.
Materialism is a strong force that attracts us all. Ordinary people like you and I are the likeliest victims of the enchanting spell of materialism. Countless times this has happened as I sift through magazines and I catch a glimpse of an expensive guitar or some nifty gadget that would be nice to have. The best part is when I take a look at my wallet to find out that I do not have enough money to buy it. So I begin to remind and say to myself that I do not need that: it is convenient and not necessary when money can be better spent elsewhere.
One thing most people do not think about is that how often they place the value of their possessions over the true essence of a person. Possessions are now an individual's label without any consideration of their personality. The brand names of their clothing or the maker of their car matters more than what the individual has to offer. Society has become impersonal as people are categorized according to what they wear or what they drive. The message carried on by all this is that having wealth and luxurious possessions will bring you happiness. This message is constantly reinforced to the masses through commercials and celebrities that display happiness and success. On the surface it may seem that these celebrities have these qualities, but then you take notice of all the magazines those with headers in large letters announcing a celebrity's "secret pictures", countless divorces, suicide, downfall and any other endless negative outcomes. Then one wonders if having fame, wealth and the luxurious possessions is worth the misery. Materialism has created a shallow society and what people get from these celebrity stories are entertainment and satisfaction from someone else's downfall.
The loss of self-identity in our society caused by materialism is an inevitable fact of consumerist society where the pursuit of instant gratification and possessive pleasures allures human nature. Advertisers take advantage of this weakness in human nature and so one must be careful to evaluate priorities to never get carried away by the hypnotizing force of materialism.
the_lie
Dec 8, 2008
Undergraduate / "Moving"- Common Application Essay [7]
"but was hesitant, fearing they would not accept me. The class suddenly became silent as my teacher introduced me and I was met with unfamiliar eyes. "
-I sense the need for a transition here. Or you should elaborate more about this experience.
You could talk about the unwelcomeness you felt from the rest of the classes and then say how you felt more at ease once in your math classes.
"Though I wasn't excited about my other classes, I looked forward to my math class. I was automatically placed in the accelerated math course for my high scores in my prior math class."
"but was hesitant, fearing they would not accept me. The class suddenly became silent as my teacher introduced me and I was met with unfamiliar eyes. "
-I sense the need for a transition here. Or you should elaborate more about this experience.
You could talk about the unwelcomeness you felt from the rest of the classes and then say how you felt more at ease once in your math classes.
"Though I wasn't excited about my other classes, I looked forward to my math class. I was automatically placed in the accelerated math course for my high scores in my prior math class."