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Posts by OGrant [Suspended]
Joined: Feb 21, 2012
Last Post: Feb 28, 2012
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Posts: 3  

From: United States of America

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OGrant   
Feb 28, 2012
Undergraduate / 'America, science, and mathematics' - Essay for Columbia Science honors program [5]

In today's society, it is important for high school students to attend college and receive a degree in higher education. Higher education is essential for those students who are interested in a better career that not only offers a higher paying salary but stability and some varying levels of interest. Some students may disagree with this idea, and believe that receiving a degree in higher education really does not matter;but I believe the most rewarding future is in obtaining higher education because it will benefit an individual's career path.

Attending college will not only help you to succeed in society, but in the long run by having better options, supports, and finances to help to you live the lifestyle you choose. Having a college education will help to improve the portion of society overall.(WHAT DO YOU MEAN HERE?HOW CAN HAVING A COLLEGE DEGREE HELP SOCIETY?PLEASE SPECIFIC HERE AND EXPLAIN WHAT YOU MEAN)

(MAKE THIS A SEPARATE PARAGRAPH SINCE YOU ARE CHANGING THE SUBJECT)Studying in college can also have disadvantages, for example, class schedules, studying, and duration of degree. These disadvantages may be very time consuming and require full-time commitments which may reduce an individual's amount of time spent with family. Another disadvantage in obtaining a degree in higher education is that it costs a lot of money and it can directly affect an individual's current financial income (e.i. obtaining a degree in higher education, might cause someone to give up their previous job to focus on school). With all of these disadvantages, I still believe it is highly important for individuals to work towards obtaining a degree in higher education because it can improve one's social skills, foster skills like time management and self-discipline, and it can lead to a degree which will multiple an individual's career opportunities.

(PLEASE READ CAREFULLY..I'VE MADE SEVERAL CORRECTIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE FOLLOW THE FLOW OF THIS ESSAY AND FOCUS IN ON "WHAT IS HIGHER EDUCATION". DON'T GET OFF TOPIC WRITING ABOUT STUFF THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT..COLLEGES WHAT TO SEE THAT YOU CAN STICK TO THE POINT! I DID NOT WORK ON THE SECOND PARAGRAPH SO THAT YOU CAN PRACTICE AND ADD TO THE CORRECTION I'VE ALREADY MADE...GOOD LUCK)

When young twenty year olds attend college for the first time he or, she might be surprise about the variety of ages in classes with them. You see the variety of ages mostly at a community college for instance like the College of Western Idaho, rather than a University College like Boise State. The reason why there are a lot of younger students at a university college like Boise State is, because those types of colleges have dorm rooms. You will not see elderly people living in a dorm room with their friends. You are more willing to see elderly people at a community college like the College of Western Idaho that does not have dorm rooms. According to Wallace, "two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says, morning, boys, how's the water?" According to the quote the students just out of high school are likely to talk with an older person regarding homework, if they are at a community college. Young college students are likely to get help from their peers on their homework, if they go to a University.
OGrant   
Feb 21, 2012
Graduate / Personal Statement: Marriage and Family Therapy [3]

This needs to be tied together a little bit more. It's almost like the paragraphs are not connected or in the same essay. I would suggest reviewing this essay and making sure each paragraph flowing smoothly into the next. Currently it sounds like a different mix of ideas and statements you wanted to throw in...not sure how one effects the other. I would also take out the focus on your GPA, briefly talk about it, but don't dwell on it, focus on your strengths in this section.
OGrant   
Feb 21, 2012
Undergraduate / 'America, science, and mathematics' - Essay for Columbia Science honors program [5]

Science and mathematics were not (avoid using contractions) subjects that I was always interested in. During my childhood, it was torture solving a math problem or preparing for a biology test. Later on I studied under a new teacher who helped me a lot. I am very thankful for the time and energy that teacher invested in me and my education. From the first day of her lessons, she saw that I had potential to do better and pushed me as hard as she could. She took her time and it was worth it. Currently as a sophomore in college, I have a new found love for the subjects of math and science. PLEASE READ CAREFULLY, I HAVE MADE SEVERAL CORRECTIONS FOR YOU! HOPE THEY HELP.
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