Writing Feedback / ANALGY; Composition class [2]

I have a composition class that teaches students how to become better writers. My professor assigned students to write about two topics within education or school. So I decided to write an anology. Mind you, I am enrolled in a composition class so my essay might sound wierd.

Parallel likenesses of schools and trees are becoming evidently unnoticed as they are silent. Both are more or less essential to life yet highly under-appreciated and often taken for granted. The burden of waking up too early, dressing for school, waiting for the bus and getting to class on time is the classic example of how many of today's youth disregards the significance of education and school. The ability to be able to write is important to one's life-skills just as much as it is to school. Composition abilities are not something one inherits by birth; it is a special skill one must obtain through repetitive practice and constant use in order to present one's self in a clear and educated manner. I have experienced and realized this through the indirect guidance of a teacher and now look at writing in a completely different perspective than from when I first learned the basic components of an essay back in junior high. Just as how trees rely on water and sunlight to sustain life, composition depends heavily on knowledge in order to be comprehensible.

In a relative comparison, one may think schools are equivalent to trees. Trees comprise a network of branches and roots; the branches are teachers and the roots are resources. Like a tree branch, teachers are patient and support the burden of bearing pupils until they ripen. The water accumulated from the tree root supplies sufficient nutrients for fruits to develop and for trees to live. This is very similar to how schools stay alive; schools try very hard in keeping students to date with the most recently published textbooks and latest finds in discovery, sometimes even making use of new technologies and incorporating them for school use. Without the nutrients of water and sunlight, the tree along with the leaves and the fruits would wilt. In this case, water and sunlight are vital sources keeping a tree alive. As for school, knowledge is the crucial resource to its operation. Sunlight and water is the knowledge for a tree branch to teach and train their students to mature. Unfortunately, similar to individual students, some fruits necessitates a longer time period than others to grasp and understand the concepts of what is being taught.

It wasn't until I received back a corrected simple writing assignment from John D. Britto, a Delta College professor who instructs the culinary arts: sanitation and food safety class, that has really made me think twice about what I write and how seriously I should take composition. Despite the fact our papers were graded anonymously, somehow I allowed this man to emotionally get to me to the point of feeling angry and vengeful. Angry in the sense of shame in how I poorly represented myself to the reader from the writing assignment and vengeful in the sense of my eagerness to show others I can do better on any writing assignment to come. It is thanks to a very enduring tree branch that I want to write better and gain enough confidence in knowing the next time anyone reads my paper, I will be sure they feel it was time well spent.

Trees are the life giving source of breathable air just as schools are the foundations of knowledge in education. On trees fruits ripen with given time, sunlight, and water is the same manner of students graduating with acquired knowledge, developed skills, and understanding from school. Had it not been for John Britto, I would not have been able to put forth much effort into writing assignments as I do now. Needless to say, that man John has moved me in a way no teacher ever could have; the bittersweet feeling is an empowering emotion I will never forget.

i got some nasty sarcastic comments. he wrote things on my paper like "No, students tend to live through the winter" and "stay away from poetic analogies, and you presume too illogically here" .. "keep it simple" .. "and leaves supply the nutrients often" -- "to continue the metaphor of food. too many ingredients that dont correspond to the recipe, all of which are incorrectly reasoned. you were supposed to write about two aspects of school. this seems to form on one. composition and its importance to you. the analogy is not working. its largely inaccurate and presumes a great deal. follow the assignment more directly..

13/20 - you needed at least 14 points to pass this assignment