Undergraduate / 'invest in education' - Common App Transfer Essay [5]

EDUCATION INVESTMENT

Hello, This is an essay I've composed for my transfer applications due this Thursday. If someone could critique it and offer some feedback (don't be afraid to be tough, I need this to be great!), that'd be fantastic. Thanks!

Prompt: Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

"Invest in your education, for education is the most important investment you will make in your life," was a proverb of my father, one that has resonated with me from the time I first heard it, at the start of my high school career. Reflecting on the past year, I have heeded my father's advice and invested my whole self into my education, leveraging the talents I have been granted, and for which I am most grateful, in pursuit of a fulfilling college experience.

But what exactly defines a successful and satisfying college experience? Certainly academics are neither the sole purpose nor the primary component of these four years. In my mind, the studying is equally weighted with the socializing, and both aspects combine to form a dynamic and engaging setting that provides a healthy balance of intellectual and social stimulation. The lecture halls should not be the only arenas of relevant and meaningful discussion. Rather, such discussions should be infused into everyday campus life.

Upon my arrival at _________, with my father's adage still firmly resolved in my head, I set out to fully apply myself to discovering and creating such an experience during the following four years. I enrolled in classes that I believed would challenge and motivate me to think both analytically and critically, while supplementing them by participating in seminars and lectures given by Jesuit priests, economists, activists and politicians. I proceeded to take advantage of other, extracurricular opportunities as well through clubs such as Oxfam and the Campus Activities Board. Additionally, every Thursday, through the (club name omitted), I visited (name omitted) for several rousing matches of cribbage against the reigning champion, Gladys.

Still, I found myself growing dissatisfied with living on College Hill. I began to recognize that the stimulation I required outside of the classroom was virtually nonexistent. There was no thought-provoking dialogue after lectures concluded and little diversity in the perspectives and opinions of the student body. Instead there was a prevailing homogeneity and intellectual apathy that made me feel isolated and alone in my commitment to learning. While the College attempted to foster meaningful conversations, hosting speakers and guest lecturers, most were met with less than stellar attendance. As I sat through those lectures and talks, actively searching for those conversations, I could not help but wonder: was this going to be the extent of my investment in education?

After careful deliberation and consideration, I've determined that reaching the full potential of my investment in post-secondary education means moving beyond _________. The intellectual involvement so crucial to my idealized four-year experience is simply insufficient here. I want to be part of the majority in seeking out deeper understanding and exposure after class hours, and part of a room full of eager learners at seminars and events. I firmly believe that a more vibrant and engaged community would ultimately quell the disappointments I have discovered over the past six months.

Therefore, I must persist onward. I must continue my college education elsewhere, because although __________ was unable to provide a sufficient level of intellectual engagement and social gratification, my belief in this investment has not faltered. I am confident that the next three years will be the most important years of my life and, with my father's proverb in mind, I am certain I will still uncover the true benefits of a fulfilling college experience, with the opportunities necessary to develop into the person I desire to be, at another institution.

_______ is my current school name.