Posts by dannyyboyy07

dannyyboyy07

Apr 4, 2012

Writing Feedback / 'the head of English language Panel' - important event in my life [4]

This is how I think it should be worded.

I have EXPERIENCED MANY important events in my life THAT HAVE changed me significantly. There was one event THAT made an enormous impacted in my life. It all began in the past eight years IN WHICH I had been ordered to report TO A rural area TO GO TO school. EVEN THOUGH IT WAS far from the mainstream of all development and progress, I WAS so happy and excited to go there. On the first day at school, I had met many wonderful people. Teachers THERE WERE very friendly and helpful in every matter. The thing I enjoy most AND WAS VERY meaningful WAS to be head of THE English Language Panel. Without the experience and knowledge in this field, I HAD many difficulties to adapt TO in this field. But with the help of my colleagues, I HAVE succeeded in raising the achievement of students there with many awards and recognition in many competitions and examinations. I am very proud of this achievement OF being able to raise the STATUS of the school WHICH HAS MADE the people here ~~are~~ very grateful.

Review and correct my essay?

dannyyboyy07

Apr 4, 2012

Undergraduate / My brother is my only other sibling & had a signiﬁcant inﬂuence on me [2]

Rather than mention someone with amazing attributes to which I have tried to embody, I'll describe how a common man, my brother, has influenced my life in a profound manner. My brother is my only other sibling. Currently, he is 24-years-old and works in a factory, earning minimum wage. He has no college degree, nor even finished all of high school. His example is one to not follow. However, besides pointing out the flaws in my brother, I've learned to see his subtle, commendable qualities. Although he isn't deemed as "book smart," my brother is very intelligent. He has taught me the valuable fundamentals of dedication, responsibility, struggle, but best of all, he's taught me to fend for myself.

With dedication, any given task is met wholeheartedly, no matter how rigorous it may be. Although my brother hasn't dedicated his life to academics, he has given his commitment to attaining a stable job in order to provide for his family. Despite not having a college degree, he has acquired a stable job, and luckily, has never had to resort to poverty. His dedication to get not only himself, but his family, a proper environment in which to live in has made him admirable. My brother's example has made me who I am today.

Responsibility differentiates those who are trustworthy and those who aren't. While dropping out of high school, my brother has made it his goal to show my family that he can be successful in life. He has taken the responsibility to own up to his goals. Even though he's not an exemplary model of academic excellence, he's doing whatever he can to achieve his goals. Not letting his disadvantages set him back and achieving his goals have shown his great responsibility. My brother's example has made me who I am today.

My brother's struggle is like that of many others. However, my brother has never asked for help, my brother has never backed down when things got rough, my brother has never showed weakness, and those characteristics are what i've gotten to respect and try to embody. My brother's example has made me who I am today.

My brother's life might not be one that's picturesque, nor is it one that has made me want to follow his example. However, seeing passed his undesirable lifestyle, his ethics are those to epitomize. In actuality, my brother's example has made me who I am today because of his dedication, responsibility, and struggle. He has taught me to not accept defeat, try hard in everything I do, and above everything, to fight for myself in order to achieve what I truly desire in life.