arsenal10
Apr 12, 2012
Writing Feedback / My toefl essay - If you could change one thing about your hometown, what would it be? [4]
Text in red color means change it to this.
Bangkok, being my hometown, is the heart of such development.
Thus, there are several kinds ofthe facilities established throughout the city for making people' lives convenient and better than ever before.
Sky train as well as the subway are some of the most significant examples.
We have had the fast communication system for several years ago. Re-write like this: We still have a fast communication system from several years ago.
DO NOT say this in your first paragraph: I am going to describe my reasons. remove it
Currently, even though my office is in downtown, I still have to use other modes public transport to reach the subway station because it is not nearby my home.
Therefore, I must walk several blocks until I ambeing at my office. It makes me incovenient. did you mean to say: This is inconvenient?
It is due to accurate time duration of subway transport ?
Glad to be of service, just fix those and you are good to go, pretty good essay.
Text in red color means change it to this.
Bangkok, being my hometown, is the heart of such development.
Thus, there are several kinds of
Sky train as well as the subway are some of the most significant examples.
We have had the fast communication system for several years ago. Re-write like this: We still have a fast communication system from several years ago.
DO NOT say this in your first paragraph: I am going to describe my reasons. remove it
Currently, even though my office is in downtown, I still have to use other modes public transport to reach the subway station because it is not near
Therefore, I must walk several blocks until I am
It is due to accurate time duration of subway transport ?
Glad to be of service, just fix those and you are good to go, pretty good essay.