The essay question asks to explain fully if you have been academically dismissed by any university.
Following the spring semester of 2008 I was academically dismissed from Pennsylvania State University as a result of my poor academic performance. I accept full responsibility for my actions throughout this year and the grades I produced that caused this outcome. I now recognize that I was provided with an excellent opportunity to obtain an education at a highly esteemed school but due to my ignorance and indiscipline that chance was unfortunately lost. Since then, I have overcome my personal obstacles and grown as both a person and a student. I do not wish to make excuses for my poor academic outcome but I will do my best to explain the circumstances surrounding this drop in performance.
Coming from a family of no college graduates I had very little support in terms of continuing education and was encouraged to pursue a career before focusing on an education. With little prior working experience I was terrified at the thought of jumping right into a career. I had many friends that applied and were accepted to Pennsylvania State University and without giving any thought as to whether this university in particular fit me as a person; I followed the crowd and applied to the Berks campus.
Shortly after my high school graduation, I gathered some roommates and got my first apartment. I was terribly unprepared to take on such responsibility at such a young age and I quickly fell behind on rent and bills. I hadn't prepared financially to pay for my expenses through school and was afraid to show my family my failure.
A few days prior to the first day of classes I received the unfortunate news that a very close friend of mine had passed away. The funeral was scheduled for the first day of the fall semester and therefore I fell behind before I even had the opportunity to allow myself to get ahead. Shortly after, I slowly began retracting myself from society and the people I loved. As the semester progressed I found it extremely difficult to even get out of bed in the morning let alone concentrate on my studies. My attendance began to drop significantly and consequently so did my grades. I felt like a failure and hid my depression from my family. In addition, I was too embarrassed to reach out to my professors to ask for help or guidance. During this time, I gained a significant amount of weight, began losing contact with my close friends and had little to no interest in any sort of self improvement.
During the winter break prior to the spring 2008 semester proved to be mentally challenging in many ways. After a 23 years together my parents decided to end their marriage. At this point I felt completely alone with no one to turn to. The home I had known for 18 years was now broken, my father was now living in another town and my mother fell into severe depression.
From the very beginning, I was in over my head. It was about halfway into the spring semester that I realized I had emmerse myself into something I was utterly unprepared for. After I received the letter of my academic dismissal it really hit home with me. I was in no way mature enough to handle my own apartment let alone my own academic responsibility. It was at this point that I realized I had done everything wrong. My reasoning for applying to college was wrong and my priorities were not straight.
This is what I have so far but I am unsure how to end it. I don't want to blame all of my problems on other circumstances, but I want to express the reasoning. Grammer help would also be greatly appreciated.
Thank you in advance!
I accept full responsibility for my actions throughout thisthat year and the grades I produced that caused this outcome...
With little prior workingWith a lack of prior work experience I was terrified at the thought of jumping right into a career...
It was about halfway into the spring semester that I realized I had immersed myself into something I was utterly unprepared for...
Sounds like a lot of weight landed on your shoulders at once and you have provided a very honest and heartfelt representation of that. It does not, in any way appear as though you have passed blame or made excuses..the hardships and tragedies leading to your downfall is an example of the "the nature of the beast" called life. It happens. I do, however, suggest you condense the tragic events a bit and in adding to your closing statements, you could shed some light on the steps you have taken to try to heal emotionally. It would be good to show that in this lesson you have taken the initiative to learn from these mistakes and become more mentally, emotionally prepared. So any therapy, counselling, medication, positive life-changing, meditation, etc. you (hopefully) have participated in would be good to talk about because it would show a desire to avoid past mistakes. Good luck to you!!! I hope this is the beginning of the life of your dreams. Remember, "that which does not kill us only makes us stronger".
This is the most open hearted essay that i have seen in a long time.
My reasoning for applying to colleges was wrong and my priorities were not straight
Did you mention anywhere else what has changed now so that you now have good reason for college and your priorities are straight?
The funeral was scheduled for the first day of the fall semester and therefore I fell behind before I even had the opportunity to allow myself to get ahead.
"Therefore" makes it sounds like you're rationalizing. I would avoid that.
And if you have no other essay to show how you've overcome all the experiences emotionally, you might want to do so here.
Alright, if you want an idea on how you should end it, make the last paragraph about the current times now, what do you do for a job? are youn still in school? how have you changed from what has happened previously in your life? Give some examples. These are merely suggestions, but that is what I would consider ending with.
Thanks everyone for the help, I truly appreciate it... Im having trouble ending it because the other admission essays (there are 4 total) ask questions such as what are you doing now? Explain education and career history/ goals other life experiences etc.. so I am trying to not be repetitive
