Undergraduate /
"Unpatriotic" MIT Essay; Describe the process through which you discovered value in the negative. [10]
Hello, I'm an international student. I really have no ideas about the standard of college admission essay so I really need some constructive critique. Here is my essay.
Tell us about an experience which at the time really felt like the end of the world ... but had it not happened , you would not be who you are today . Describe the process through which you discovered value in the negative.(word limit 500)"Unpatriotic"The alarm clock rang, but I had been awake. I didn't dare to open my eyes, to discover that everything was not just a nightmare. I pulled my blanket over my head, in a vain attempt to escape the reality.
"Come on, man! It's not the end of the world!" said my roommate as he flipped my blanket off and reached out a hand. No, it wasn't; I still had my friends. I grabbed his hand and sat up in bed. How in the world could this happen? The question haunted my mind.
At school, wherever I walked, I felt people behind pointed at me and made comments. A few familiar but not well known faces no longer smiled at me as before. Ironically, I was offered high fives by the worst kids at school, as if to welcome a new member of their clique.
The story began the day before. Asked by a teacher to call a student to an important meeting, I barged recklessly into the flag-raising ceremony, running right by the pole in the presence of 1500 students and teachers and, more importantly, some foreigners on visit. Actually, I didn't realize it until I found everybody looking at me, shocked, for all I was thinking was just to find the right person as soon as possible. I was "caught" right away by a dean. "How can you not stop whatever you are doing when you hear the national anthem?" The dean attributed my misbehavior to a lack of loyalty to my country, and before long everybody knew the name of this "unpatriotic" student. Had I not been a good student before, I would have been in big trouble. Still, I lost the precious opportunity to be a Beijing Olympic Torch Bearer. I felt I had been wronged. However, in every flag-raising ceremony afterwards, I asked myself: do I love my country? Although I had never doubted the answer before, I couldn't help but question myself, when most people did so.
A few months later, I started my exchange year in Oregon. I made every effort to be a good ambassador of my country: I gave presentations about China in school, celebrated Chinese New Year in church and taught Chinese in the middle school. When people told me that they would like to visit China because of me, I was more than happy and proud. Little by little, I regained confidence in myself.
On a Friday, before the Pledge of Allegiance, my teacher's words struck my mind. "Everyone has his own way to show his love for his country. You may not stand or pledge to the flag, but please be quiet and respect others." I suddenly realized what I had done wrong. Although I believe action is the only way to love my country, others may value ritual, which deserves respect as well.
My story didn't end here. On May 12th, 2008, a disastrous earthquake shook Sichuan, China. I determined to do something for my countrymen. After a month's hard work, I eventually raised nearly 4,000 dollars. Last summer, I visited the affected area and gave the donations to an elementary school in need. When the dean of my school learned about my fundraising efforts, he apologized to me. Nevertheless, I know for sure that I WAS wrong. Now, I stand upright and silently in every flag-raising ceremony, not only for my country but also for the people around me.
Steve Jobs once said, "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards." When everybody, including myself, seemed to doubt my love for my country, it really felt like the end of the world. But looking backwards, it is a lesson about self-confidence, respect, and patriotism. Thus, sometimes getting lost on the way is a way of discovering a new way. Life's meaning lies in the detours we take, not the destination. All we need is the faith to believe the dots will be connected somewhere down the road.
How the essay flows? Is it serious enough for "the end of the world"?
I went about 170 words over the limit. I really don't know where to cut, any advice?
It is said on the MIT website that "500 limit is a guideline. 550 will be totally fine, but 1000 will be a different story." And from the MIT blogs, adcom officers said they won't count the words and 150 over might be all right.
