Writing Feedback / Persuasive essay: it's okay to strive for perfection. 3 claims + intro and conc [3]

those are only the two paragraphs i need someone to tell me if im on ttrack the right and do necessary changes

"If a brain operation is less than perfect the patient will die," this sentence leaves me wondering, why would one achieve something less than perfect, when he can perfect it? It's ok to strive for perfection, no, one must strive for perfection. Who said you shouldn't have the right to reach the ultimate. Who said you shouldn't have the right to dazzle them with your brilliance. If you are going to put some effort in something and reach mediocre results, why not put a little bit more and reach optimum results? Why work below your full potential? When u can work to your full potential. Why a disaster, but not a master piece? Why? Why? Why? A hundred million why's are racing through my mind. They're racing through the mind of a victim who is often accused of being a perfectionist, as if seeking for perfection is a sin or a crime. (Perfectionists often wonder why they should settle for less when the best is a stone's throw away). thesis

Every success is built on the ability to go beyond people's expectations. We will never be recognized unless our work is absolutely flawless. In order for one to succeed, and most subjectively to become an individual, one has to mesmerize others with his exceptional excellence. By setting goals and targets, high standards, and striving persistently to achieve them, perfectionists reach the optimal. Perfectionists place quality in everything done, pay attention to every single detail ,which leads people to start looking forward to seeing their work and take it as an exemplar. Looking at perfectionists in awe, people wonder where they find the time and patience to perfect their work in such a way. Prosperity, success and a great sense of pride is what perfection leads to; it makes yourself more valuable, regardless of what you do or where you do it. Whether you're doing something as simple as baking a cake or as huge as working on a development plan, perfecting it is a delight. No doubt, Perfection gives you more confidence, as some People start looking at you as a leader, others start trusting you. Superiors start respecting you. Perfection and success Gives birth to Loyalty from both your subordinates and your superiors. ( conclusion sentence needed)