Undergraduate / 'I began to finalize my own college list' - Why Carnegie? [12]

Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to.

As students sculpt their college lists, they research every aspect of the colleges before deciding to apply. After months of traveling and visiting colleges around the nation I began to sculpt my own college list. As I first stepped onto Cornell campus, I instantly fell in love; I knew at that moment that Cornell was where I belonged. I feel that Cornell is the place where I can evolve into the person and professional I aspire to be. Cornell harbors brilliant professors and a diverse student body that I know will stimulate me to be my best. Whether through academics or engagement with peers, surrounded by endless inspiration, I know that at Cornell I will be stimulated to be my best.

From a young age, I have been captivated by engineering: I would always find myself spending countless hours in a quiet room, playing with Lego Bricks. Alone, I would masterfully design and govern these pieces of plastic into battles scenes or metropolises petrified in time. Every day, I would want to create something new, something unprecedented. This is where my love for engineering emerged from. In high school, I began to expand my horizons and explore the world of engineering and what it could offer. Classes such as my honors Engineering Science class have only fed my passion for engineering.

In all frankness, I aspire to be a patent lawyer, not just an engineer. Nevertheless, I realized that I needed the right technical and specialized engineering skills if I wanted to pursue a career in law; specifically the occupation of a patent lawyer. Given my strength in mathematics and science, engineering seemed the best field of study for me. Although I am strongly interested, I felt that an engineering background would be a solid stepping stone towards a career in law; the methodical and systematic techniques in engineering bolster decision-making and priceless innovation. I hope to earn a degree and continue on to law school, a process that I know that will take some time but I am prepared to face each and every challenge with dedication, perseverance and integrity.

The thought of being able to be involved in the process of which vaguely-supple and soft dream of inventors become realities is purely amazing. I love people and I want to work for people and I want the people I love to be happy. I have always had a heart to serve people, people in the different countries or community and I believe that becoming a patent lawyer with help me collaborate the two worlds I love, science and service.

Cornell is not only a beautiful and captivating environment but an institution with a rich history. As a second generation Korean American student, I feel that I have much to offer to the cultural pallet of Cornell. Cornell's history, student life, athletics and cultural life are unique among the Ivy Leagues and I, like many others appreciate this. Ultimately, I feel the urge to call Cornell home not only because it has captured the very essence of my passion to learn but because it feels just right.

I feel like I need to add some more details or info.
any suggestions?
Thank You