Posts by Collegegirl22

Collegegirl22

May 25, 2012

Scholarship / (Auburn University) Letter of Appeal for Cancelled Scholarship [2]

I like your letter, just one little thing:

I'd tell them that I started working during Christmas break because in the second I got my school report and took a glance at my grades I knew something had to be done.

Or something like this ;)
Sorry I can't help you better..
I sincerely hope they will give you your scholarship!

Collegegirl22

May 25, 2012

Writing Feedback / Character Is a Crucial Thing in a Fiction Story [3]

First of all, fiction is a story based on the author's imagination. Nowadays, people are familiar with this kind of story. Many movies are based on fiction stories. Some people say that not all fiction needs characters because it would also work well without characters. For example using dead objects just like in a science fiction. The other say, fiction without characters will not make the best stories because they won't go well without living objects (human beings).

In a science fiction, a story with no human characters is a possible thing to make. Looking for examples of science fiction in which there are no human characters, and the entire cast, is made up of alien beings. Almost instantly I can come up with a few examples, books where long sequences are conducted without human involvement: 1. The middle section in Asimov's "The Gods Themselves", 2. All the stuff about the alien army in Zahn's Conquerors Trilogy before anybody figures out the communication thing, 3. That crap Piers Anthony wrote about the intelligent musical lawn mowers or whatever the hell it was. I also thought of the creepy Ray Bradbury story about the unoccupied robot-house, but that doesn't have any characters at all (except for Time and Regret and other metaphorical presences).

Dozens of elements go into novels, into crafting quality fiction. Beside plot and setting, characters deserve a great deal of attention. Characters help the readers to build a relationship to the story. The reader reads a novel or prose to be entertained, to pass time, to lose themselves in a world different from their own. The readers want to imagine themselves as the lead character, having exploits, going places they may never visit in their real life. The readers want to identify with a person other than themselves, experience events far from those of their daily life, become immersed in a new country or city or world and want it to be realistic enough that they can become lost in the fiction.

In conclusion of this, the author who wants to create great stories must characterize well. Characters build the story. They will be speaking the dialogue, doing something or experiencing things. Even in science fiction stories with characters became probably better science fictions than science fiction which don't have characters in it. In my opinion, to make a good fiction story, using characters is a crucial thing.

I'd write it like that. ;)
Hope this helps you!

Collegegirl22

May 25, 2012

Undergraduate / United World College - 3 Essays; Why UWC?, Family background, Personal challenge [NEW]

Hello,
my name is Ann and I'm applying for a United World College.
They want three essays:

Please write an essay of not more than 300 words explaining why you are interested in attending a UWC and reflecting on UWC's mission and values, what you might contribute to the school/college and what you would hope to gain from the experience.

Since I can remember I was torn between staying in the familiar world around me and the demanding desire to explore everything new crossing my way. But almost every time it was curiosity that won. In a city as small as mine it doesn't take forever to reach the limit of things you can do and see. Not only because of that I always loved the holidays when my family would leave at 5 in the morning for France, Belgic or Italy. But after a few vacations even though I saw a lot of famous sights I wasn't really satisfied. I really wanted to experience culture, which is why I started my exchange year this march. I already learned a lot about Japan, its people and their way of life and I'm sure I'll learn more in the months I have left. But I want to attend an UWC because I want to know why people all over the world lead wars against each other or kill for their country, because I want to better the world and have no idea how and because I want to realize where my place in this world is.

Of course, it'd be fantastic to have friends from all over the world but its also the singularity of a place where so many different points of view gather which attracts me.

UWC's values impressed me the first time I heard of them and when I read about them I was convinced I had to apply because they resemble what kind of person I want to be.

I want to throw my laughter in, my optimism and my readiness to change something. I would like to help my coyears feel home, challenge myself academically and personally and make my college and UWC proud of me.

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In the space below, please write an essay of not more than 300 words describing your background and family. Include an account of any experiences you have had in meeting people from other backgrounds than your own.

My origin is pure german. I know that because my grandfather showed me a family tree, the kind they had to make during the Nazi regime reaching back until 1800. I don't really feel "german" though. I think people are not primarily citizens of their country but their parent's children. My mother Bettina is unquestionably one of the persons who know me best in the world being not only my mother but also my best friend. Us sharing the same strong character there are maybe not many days that go by without a minor or major argument between us but we love each other. My father, Ralph, is more considerate than and we have the same way of thinking, sometimes it's like we're soul mates. Our relationship is open and unlike many of my friends I always tell my parents everything and there's pure trust on both sides. My brother's and my relationship is not as loving, but in tough times we are siblings after all.

The connection to my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins may be not as deep as they live a few hours away but sure as affectionate.

Of course it was hard to leave a family like that behind to live with a new one for ten months, which were not biologically programmed to love me, which trust had to be earned first. Kazuyo, my host mother is a kindhearted woman and as "unjapanese" as she could be, being very open with her emotions, just like my host sister Sumire who became one of my best friends here. I thought it would be extremely challenging eating, sleeping and living with people from a different background. Maybe it was, but as soon as you shared your first joke in their language you realize it's worth the effort.

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In the space below, please write an essay of no more than 300 words, describing an important event in your life or a significant personal challenge. 28 Wörter.

It was a cold day and as we reached the KZ, a bus filled with teenagers, we saw there was snow lying on the ground. As we got closer to the big wooden gate covered with razor wire conversations one after another fell silent. Being taught about places like this will never leave a memory like standing in the mud facing a gallows, knowing that 69 years ago somebody stood in the same place, not in a fancy winter coat and leather shoes but barefoot in a striped pajama, quivering in the cold air. It's hard to describe the feeling that places like Struthof stir in me, disgust of the methods the Nazis used, unwilling and disbelieving that somebody who sent out bills and the cremated body to families of people they experimented with, tortured and killed excruciatingly could have been human.

I always thought all people would feel like that. But when our teacher told us about little chambers, not high enough to stand in, which were used as "special" cells and said that people imprisoned there sometimes lost a quarter of their weight my friend next to me grinned at me and said: "I should go in there too someday."

I was shocked, angry, it sickened me how somebody could show such an insensitiveness to their origin and his country's history. That impression was deepened later that day when two of my male classmates walked through the memorial in lock step.

That was the day I got pulled out my ideal world and realized how humankind could make the same mistakes over and over and why it's so important to be aware of it. When I got home I googled how many countries aren't democratically ruled right now. It said it were 45 of 193, almost a quarter.

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So, thanks for working through this and sorry, as I'm not a English native there are probably a lot of mistakes ;)
Thanks again and looking forward to your reviews!