angodian299
May 31, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'it would increase the sales in the Central Plaza store' - GRE essays [3]
In the intro, you should give an overview of what you're going to talk about or else your reader will be clueless.
Are the skateboarders a hindrance for the shoppers who come to the Plaza?
If there are any unique reasons that make Plaza attractive to the skateboarders and are not available at other parts of the city, can be solved by providing facilities in other parts of the city. reword. it's hard to follow
The authors claim that skateboarding is a result of low sales in the Central Plaza but his claim... is it 1 or more author?
Has this change in the environment causedof decreased sales in the Plaza rather than the sport? Or can it be that the popularity of the sport has played a significant role in increasing litter and vandalism in Central Plaza.?
The author' s assumption that there is a causative relation between skateboarders and the environment of the plaza should be analysed. Ifthe littering and vandalism is provedare proven to be a result of the sport, it would strongly support the recommendation.
In turn it would increase the sales in the Plaza, returning it to its previous high levels.
In the intro, you should give an overview of what you're going to talk about or else your reader will be clueless.
Are the skateboarders a hindrance for the shoppers who come to the Plaza?
If there are any unique reasons that make Plaza attractive to the skateboarders and are not available at other parts of the city, can be solved by providing facilities in other parts of the city. reword. it's hard to follow
The authors claim that skateboarding is a result of low sales in the Central Plaza but his claim... is it 1 or more author?
Has this change in the environment caused
The author' s assumption that there is a causative relation between skateboarders and the environment of the plaza should be analysed. If
In turn it would increase the sales in the Plaza, returning it to its previous high levels.