Undergraduate / Common App essay: Performing [2]

Hey, if you guys could just revise my essay and possibly give it a title, it would be appreciated, thanks!

Please write an essay (250 words minimum) on a topic of your choice or on one of the options listed below. This personal essay helps us to become acquainted with you as a person and student, apart from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data. It will also demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself.

I plug my cable into the keyboard and a crackle of electricity bursts out from the amplifier. Feedback from the guitar resonates within the room, the snare drum rumbles, and the sound of the bass pours out from the speakers. More crackling, then a short violin piece from The Four Seasons, played as we balance our volume levels.

"Mic check. One, two, three, check, check." All clear.
Here I am, about to perform on the stage of The Space, a multicultural arts venue in Hamden. Thick drops of sweat are forming on my face, and I can feel the blood rushing through my veins. In front of me, past my trusty keyboard and a tangle of cords, lies a pack of predators. They pierce me with their watchful glares, ready to pounce at my first mistake. Anyone would naturally be nervous at his or her first show, but my friend had pushed me into picking up an instrument and playing it only a month before. Figuring the new experience would be healthy, I was eager to comply. I was slightly mistaken: this last month involved learning as much as I could of this exotic contrivance of sound, while simultaneously mastering our band's music. Not exactly a comforting situation.

Our sound operator gives us the floor.
"Alright, welcome everyone. Our next band will be Flu Season, straight from right here in Hamden! You guys can start anytime."
Slowly, I move my shaking hands into playing position. A tingling sensation in my fingertips arises as the drumsticks count down to what could be a complete catastrophe.

Cut to the chorus: a few moments ago, my body was a rigid force, immovable by uneasiness. Strangely enough, the music compels me to give in to the influence of the beat. My body moves naturally; the harmonies and my limbs move in tandem with each other. I have always been prone to worry, to over-think things and try to find logical answers to them. Risks were, well, too risky. Here on stage, though, those binds don't exist. As the notes flood the room, my upper body moves up and down as my hands glide gracefully across the keyboard. The sensation that started in my fingers begins to course through my chest, my arms, and then my legs, rhythmically driving out the tension with each beat. Taking a cursory glance around the stage, I see that the music has engulfed my band mates and, more importantly, the crowd.

The song ends. I am again frozen, but this time with astonishment. I was given only a single month to prepare for the first show of my life, and my determination in the band room paid off. Onstage, the music became my catharsis, purging my fear and leaving me in musical ecstasy. Everything seemed to come naturally. It was not the logical part of my brain driving me to play this note after the next, but the pure combination of guitar, piano, drums, bass, and violin. The enthusiastic claps and cheers are enough to tell me I could conquer the impossible.

Strumming from the guitar starts and the bass pours again. I lift my hands to the keys for the second song, but fear isn't driving me, it's a newfound passion instead.

Undergraduate / NYU CAS for 2009 - summer vacation/ activity/ family trait/ song/ academic program - Short Answers [3]

Hey guys, I'm applying to NYU CAS for 2009, and I'm not sure on my chances...

I have a 3.4 gpa, class rank is top 20%, 2100 (710 cr, 690 math, 700 writing) composite SAT score, average EC's and some pretty good teacher recs. I figure it'll all come down to my essays, so if you guys could give me any helpful hints it would be very much appreciated.

In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent you most recent summer vacation.

The electric sound of my synthesizer was a familiar these past months. Our band worked hard this summer: we recorded an album and played at least three shows a month in venues such as The Space, Amity Teen Center, and Webster Theater, with many open mics scattered in between the weeks. I also volunteered at a soup kitchen with my youth group each week, and participated in a Myanmar Benefit car wash. Taking advantage of the free time, I explored my interests through my video camera as well: I created two amateur films. Of course, no summer would be complete without any physical toil, and besides the work I did with community service, I spent each week conditioning for and playing tennis.

New York City is an essential element of academic and cultural life at NYU. If you could engage in an activity or start a club or service organization at NYU, what would it be and how would you envision it impacting the larger community? (7 lines, 500 characters)

Throughout my time in my youth group, I have done many community services in conjunction with the church. One involved the church running a school that teaches children in the area Korean. I volunteered as an assistant tutor for the program, and it was an inspiring experience; there was a large spread of culture and language of a heritage I embrace. At NYU, I would start a similar program to create student-run Korean schools in the New York area. Ideally, I can see NYU allowing it to flourish under the immense cultural influence of the New York community.

Describe a trait or characteristic that has been passed along t you by your family. Tell us why you like or dislike this aspect of yourself. (7 lines, 500 characters)

Stubbornness is a trait that has been passed down to me. My grandfather is a prime example of my family's stubbornness; even after being hospitalized for back injuries, he was out and tending his garden, against doctor's orders to rest and recover. Many would consider such a trait to be a vice, a burden that prevents one from seeing reason and logic. For me, this aspect of myself does the opposite; stubbornness drives me to see the reason in many problems. Academically and artistically, stubbornness is my greatest weapon, and it gives me my enthusiasm and passion.

You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why? (7 lines, 500 characters)

Given the chance, I would definitely sing "Capital H" by Motion City Soundtrack. Listening to its lyrics, you may find that it is the cheesy, upbeat story about a lame superhero with high-flying antics and big dreams. To me, the song captures that cheerful and hopeful attitude with its catchy pop melodies and lyrics. I always take an optimistic perspective on life; I like to talk big and am heavily driven by enthusiasm. I am always surprised to find out how well a change in attitude can affect my work for the better.

Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline. (7 lines, 500 characters)

I am an artist and scientist, a creator and a learner: always searching through the lenses of a video camera or in the lab with calculator and chemicals. Both subjects test the limits of the human mind, challenging my creativity and intelligence. In high school, I have passionately explored both computer science and physics while experimenting with movies. While I am positive on my passion for film, I am still attracted by many aspects of science. As an Undecided major, I know that NYU can open up paths for my interests, especially with inter-school minors and broad range of majors.