Writing Feedback / IELTS (academic) city living in the 21 century is stressful [7]

Write about the following topic
City living in the 21st century is stressful and offers no advantages.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

I'll show you my essay.Please give me some valuable advice and correction. Thanks!

With the development with high-tech and the improvement of living qualities, more and more people crowed into city ,which leads to the uncontrollable urbanization. Because of this, some of the largest cities must be fairly oppressive places in which to live if you are short of money or unemployed. However, for those with disposable income, a city provides colorful environment which enables people to enjoy their modern life. In that case, I believe the advantages of urban living far outweigh from its shortcomings.

Regarding shopping, as for me, rather than click on the Internet to get what I want, I prefer to browse and windowshop. The diversity shopping malls and super markets located in city centre really content me. What's more, a large city's scope of services even covers amounts of surrounding towns and benefit numerous people .

In terms of entertainment ,city residents are usually spoiled for choice, from amusement park to sport stadium, whoever you are will find exactly you need. Maybe going to concert tonight and visiting museums tomorrow . City always contains various activities and full of energy.

City also provides better opportunities with so many choices and challenges . Cities with university centres offer high-standard education so that graduates from these places always get ideal job with considerable salary. Everyday in the business district, you can see a stimulating competition among those large companys, while there is exactly where give birth to talents.

Many People may complain about the traffic jam or pollution in the city, but I think with some useful policies having been implemented-construction of metro system and design of environmentally friendly architecture, our city will be more habitable rather than stressful.As the slogan of 2010 Shanghai Expo:"Better City, Better Life."

What score can this essay probably get in IELTs test?
Thanks for your help.