Posts by tallship

tallship

Aug 14, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Christine's poison' - Common App Personal Essay [3]

I think essay prompt number 2 would better fit.

In terms of the essay itself, it starts strong, but you should try to come back to how it affected you/how you have changed because of this. Otherwise, the focus might be too much on the tragedy of your aunt's death, and less of its influence on your character. I'd say to maybe condense what you have and expand on describing yourself, because that's the most important part when it comes to what you want to show.

If you have a chance, take a look at mine too :) I might also be applying early action to Harvard.

tallship

Aug 14, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Playing softball' - CommonApp - Short Answer Essay on Extracurricular [3]

When I grow older and recall fond memories of growing up, I'll always remember the days I spent covered head to toe in dirt and sweat doing what I love the most: playing softball. What started as a just-for-fun activity in my childhood turned into a passion that landed me in tournaments and national championships alike. ~~Playing softball essentially became my life.~~But w hat is most outstanding is not the cost of the expenses, the travel, or the equipment; neither the number of hours spent training nor the number of trophies I've won~~, and not any given year's statistics of my team or personal performance~~ . What's most exceptional are the situations I've encountered that helped me become who I am. Hours of practice and countless games have introduced me to dedication, enthusiasm, and hard work - all now values instilled deep within the core of my existence. With those principles, I do everything.~~Softball has shaped me on and off the field and it will always be a substantial part of my life.~~

I'm thinking you can maybe cut some portions of description and instead focus on the impact of softball on you (highlighted in green). Since that's probably the most important part, try expanding that, give more details (expand on "hours of practice and countless games," how have you learned dedication, enthusiasm, and hard work?) on how softball has changed you as a person. Hope that helps.

tallship

Aug 14, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Have not quit playing the piano' - Common App Personal Essay - Music [NEW]

I was 10 years old, and I could have quit piano without a second thought.
I had first started playing at the age of 5. It was one of those activities that all parents give their kids, and like an average 5 year old, I was indignant at such a mindless endeavor. I remember spending all of my time churning out monotonous Hanon exercises, my fingers furiously poking at the black and white pieces of ivory, wishing all the while that these fingers could be instead poking at the newest Gameboy. At the time, my parents had never pressured me and indeed would encourage me to quit piano. Nevertheless, I could never imagine giving up on something that I have invested so much in. So I continued. And by 11, I had found music.

I no longer think of my fingers, agonize over impossible arpeggios, or cringe with every missed note in a running scale. Yes, I still have to practice, and yes, learning a piece does take time, but the learning process is no longer the destination, no longer is piano a dead piece of wood and ancient tree, a monster to be conquered. Instead, out of my fingers flows a stream of consciousness that can only be described by those who have experienced it. In the midst of a competitive musical world, I have learned through the years that the ultimate prize is not the competition won or the difficult piece mastered. It is not the pride of being the last person to play in the concert or of being the one to play the most difficult Liszt etude. It is for those moments of perfect silence, angry cacophony, and melodic heartthrobs, in the hope of touching others in a way that only music can touch.

I've had the opportunity to teach piano students ranging from ages 7 to 10. While most of them are full of eager faces and cute elementary school smiles, in some, I can see myself. I see the robotic hands going through the motions of a chore, the metallic face that only lights up at the end of a piece, the impatient posture that begs for a reprieve. It takes me back to my younger years, when the chances are stacked against every child who hopes to continue with piano. There are countless stories of child protégés who abruptly quit after years of playing piano, having never played for themselves, but for the adults and the competitions. Consequently, it is not the student who plays the best or the technique that surprises me the most that makes me happy at the end of the day, but the stoic child whose face lights up upon discovering the indescribable. I find myself teaching not to perfect their scales or hone in on their every mistake, but to find the glimmer of passion and love in each one of these kids and caress it, to grow a fleeting spark of joy into the discovery of music.

-Thanks!