ginaJ
Aug 21, 2012
Undergraduate / "Acceptance and Trust" - personal quality, contribution, etc. [3]
HI~~ I personally think that it would be the best if you use other pronouns instead of "you," or maybe change the sentence a little bit, because we can't assume the readers to do or want to do anything.
"Acceptance is my greatest achievement in my entire whole life. " entire and whole means the same thing, so you should choose one that you feel comfortable with :)
" I thought that they're right that I can't have a better life; however those awards I got in my new school..." just my opinion though, "but" and "because in one sentence seemes a little redundant.
I really like your point, hope my opinions can help you a little bit, GOOD LUCK!~
HI~~ I personally think that it would be the best if you use other pronouns instead of "you," or maybe change the sentence a little bit, because we can't assume the readers to do or want to do anything.
"Acceptance is my greatest achievement in my entire whole life. " entire and whole means the same thing, so you should choose one that you feel comfortable with :)
" I thought that they're right that I can't have a better life; however those awards I got in my new school..." just my opinion though, "but" and "because in one sentence seemes a little redundant.
I really like your point, hope my opinions can help you a little bit, GOOD LUCK!~