soundofjoy
Aug 25, 2012
Undergraduate / Common App: Extracurricular Activities (Volunteer at Hospital) [5]
Good premise. Very well written.
You could elaborate more on your connection to the volunteer work rather than your interest in biomedical engineering. It's good that you have that link in there, but the common app is more of an exhibit of your own quirks and characteristics. Including more of your charitable persona and how the experience made you feel will give universities more insight than speaking more about your major, which can simply be selected from a drop-down list. Though don't completely eliminate the connection between your major and volunteer work--just lessen it and include more of yourself.
Also, the last sentence is slightly awkward. I would edit "I suddenly connected with the adults in my department and enjoyed the atmosphere," but the latter of the sentence is great.
Good premise. Very well written.
You could elaborate more on your connection to the volunteer work rather than your interest in biomedical engineering. It's good that you have that link in there, but the common app is more of an exhibit of your own quirks and characteristics. Including more of your charitable persona and how the experience made you feel will give universities more insight than speaking more about your major, which can simply be selected from a drop-down list. Though don't completely eliminate the connection between your major and volunteer work--just lessen it and include more of yourself.
Also, the last sentence is slightly awkward. I would edit "I suddenly connected with the adults in my department and enjoyed the atmosphere," but the latter of the sentence is great.