AndrewCarnegie
Aug 30, 2012
Undergraduate / the name "The Matrix" - Why CMU? Essay [6]
There is nothing wrong with your essay, per se, but you might wish to consider more specific detail about your interest in Carnegie Mellon (i.e., show don't tell).
What you've written in regards to CMU has a brochure-ish feel to it (e.g., multidimensional learning, interlinked education, interactive media). Perhaps talk about the work of a specific professor or an alumnus you respect or what impressed you about the campus (if you visited). In essence, talk from the heart about why SPECIFICALLY you want to attend CMU. You want the admissions people to feel your excitement.
There is nothing wrong with your essay, per se, but you might wish to consider more specific detail about your interest in Carnegie Mellon (i.e., show don't tell).
What you've written in regards to CMU has a brochure-ish feel to it (e.g., multidimensional learning, interlinked education, interactive media). Perhaps talk about the work of a specific professor or an alumnus you respect or what impressed you about the campus (if you visited). In essence, talk from the heart about why SPECIFICALLY you want to attend CMU. You want the admissions people to feel your excitement.
